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Are websites like match.com a hoax? I'm sure women have no problem meeting guys online, but what abo

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My first question is: Are websites like match.com a hoax? I'm sure women have no problem meeting guys online, but what abo.

My next question is: I've been dating (online dating with Match.com) my boyfriend for a year now. I absolutely love him and he is an amazing guy. I'm 23, he's 25. Before him I had only dated casually and  been in two shorts relationships (about 3 months each). He's had many more relationships in the past than me and has had 2 relationships of 2 years each. He's also had sex with a handful of people, while I was a virgin when I met him.

How do I get this out of my head??? It's really upsetting to me and I seem to be fixated on it...I know he loves me now, but it hurts that he has slept with and loved other people in the past while I have not.....

Comments (5)

Your question was: Are websites like match.com a hoax? I'm sure women have no problem meeting guys online, but what abo.

This is a problem that afflicts lots of people.  Is it about him or is it about the two of you are not on equal footing?.

Do you feel that the fact that he has actually loved other women takes something away from his relationship (thru Match.com) with you?..

Comment #1

I don't think that the fact that he has dated other people is what's important.  What's important is how does he treat you?  Is he a good man to you?  You also say that he has had 2 serious relationships, I think that's a good sign that he's the kind of man who can commit.  Does he ever give you any reason to believe that he still has feelings for any of his ex-girlfriends?  As far as the sex, an unexperienced man in the bedroom is NOT a turn on, trust me. ..

Comment #2

No, he does not give me any reason to think he has feelings for his ex gf's...I think it is more about being on unequal footing. If we get stay together and eventually get married he'll be the only person I'm ever with. When we got into the relationship (thru Match.com) he was getting to the point where he was ready to settle down with the right person. I was not, but have only gotten that way because I think he may be the right person. Sometimes a tiny part of me wishes I had met him after I had a little more experience.....

Comment #3

I think it's great that you are being honest with yourself.  Do you think you can work through this issue or do you think that eventually you will want to get more experience with other men?.

As far as getting something out of your head the only way to do it is to force it out with thinking about something else when you find yourself thinking about something that troubles you..

There's a man who communicates with me regularly but we live in different states.  He has sent me messages about his feelings about me and I'm the type of person who likes to have verbal conversation and see someone face to face.  He tells me not to worry and to just "CALM DOWN" about what concerns me about him.  I havent dated in over 7 years because my life got screwed up by my ex and people he knows (harassment and vandalism, etc) so I have become very intuitive about how people approach me and why (they paid people off to terrorize me) and so I get scared - not scared as in commitment phobic scared...I'm talking literally scared and feeling that I'm not being treated correctly or will get hurt physically or otherwise.  So...this man wants me to know that I get his messages and that I will meet him soon and he wants to spend the rest of our lives together.  I feel that it is almost too good to be true...my life generally doesnt work this way...so I tend to not get any hopes up about anything and I do tend to ruminate about things over and over and spaz out when scared.  The only thing that works for me is to push the thoughts away with other thoughts or to do something that changes my mental state like listening to music or just getting meditative or reading, etc...

Comment #4

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Why are you so fixated? It sounds like something that takes you out of the relationship...There can be a fear of truly emotionally trusting in the relationship (thru Match.com) because that makes you vulnerable, makes it real. Focusing on something outside the relationship (thru Match.com) that gives you so much anxiety is actually keeping you "safe.".

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When those thoughts come up actively "push" them away. They have nothing to do with what is going on in the present. Stay in the present as much as possible. ENJOY the present as much as possible..

,..

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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