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Are there lots of scam artists in Match.com?

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My question is: Are there lots of scam artists in Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: I'm feeling very confused. I dated a man for a few months, it was really great. We liked each other a lot. Then out of the blue he ended it. I was sad, but I respected his choice. I told him I wanted to be friends after some time had passed so we could heal from the situation and start fresh.

He would check in on me to see how I was doing. He also gave me gifts a few times. I thought it was weird but who doesn't like gifts. I saw him last week, he invited me to a baseball game with his friends. I hadn't been out in a while with any friends and thought it would be a fun excuse to get out of the house.

I do still have some feelings for him, but we got along fine and there wasn't as much flirting as there had been in previous encounters. And I was relieved about that. It's hard to get over someone when they are constantly flirting. Anyway, after the outing he called to say he wanted to set me up with one of his friends. I told him I am not ready to date using Match.com anyone just yet, still recovering from a recent rejection (his), and even if I was ready, I wouldn't do it through him.

He keeps initiating contact, flirting with me, buying me gifts, when we go out with a group he always insists on paying for me. And now he is desperately trying to set me up with someone. Anyone. He said if not his friend, that he would find someone for me. Why would a guy do this? If my feelings for him make him uncomfortable or if he feels guilty about hurting me, why is he sticking around? I'm used to guys disappearing, or sticking around as a friend.

Why would he do this? I haven't known him that long and I believe he was a serial dater but he has not dated anyone since breaking up with me in January. It's almost like he doesn't feel comfortable pursuing someone else until I am taken off the market. Should I keep my distance from this man? He seems very sweet and genuine but the setup thing sent the red flags a-wavin'...

Comments (10)

I think that your ex should have nothing to do with your current dating (online dating with Match.com) life - it could lead to him interfering with any new relationships...

Comment #1

Yeah, my ex bf tried that crap with me.  He claimed he was looking out for me by trying to set me up with one of his friends after he dumped me.  Right!  When I didn't accept the invitation and told him I can shop on my own, he told me he wanted to check out a guy before I dated him so he would make sure they were up to his standars.  He actually said this! .

All he wanted to do was meddle in my life and wanted a reason to keep tabs on me because he was afraid I was going to find someone else before he did, so he wanted to play this silly little game with me.  It didn't go far because the last thing I wanted was any part of his snooping in my life after he took it upon himself to exit. .

I informed him that my personal life after he left was none of his business and his butting in on MY dating (online dating with Match.com) scene was inappropriate and not appreciated.  I told him he wasn't my dad and the next guy I date using Match.com was going to be a complete opposite of him.  And I sure didn't want any of his friends........they were just like him, losers!  And then I implemented "No Contact" and that was that..

Tell this guy to buzz off.  His intentions are of a selfish nature, he's not doing any of it for your benefit. .

Deb.

 "OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...." ..

Comment #2

I really want to stay friends with this man. My gut tells me he is operating this way out of guilt. He feels guilty for hurting me and wants to wash his hands of that feeling by making sure I am happy. But for his reasons, not for me. Not because I am ready to date using Match.com someone. I think he's a good guy who I need to stay away from for a while.

But this is probably what is best for both of us and will prevent any further ridiculous schemes from causing conflict between us. Breakups seem to get harder and more complex the older I get. He's not a jerk, he didn't dick me around. He was a gentleman and now he is just behaving weird because he feels guilty. And I feel guilty ignoring his calls..

Comment #3

He is either really bored or really weird or both.  If you want to stay friends him just tell him to stop trying to set you up.  No need to go into WHY he's doing it, imo.   I get that you care bec you're not over him, but you need to stop caring what he thinks anyways so now's a good time to start...

Comment #4

Guilt is NOT a healthy reason for doing something. For either of you. I am not assuming he is a jerk but it is NOT POSSIBLE to be friends with someone right after a significant breakup. Never. If he really wants to be your friend he will understand that you need time to move on. And he should not be a part of your dating (online dating with Match.com) life at all whatsoever.

Definitely go forward with not contacting him and not picking up the phone - But explain what you're doing beforehand so he isn't confused. He needs to be understanding...

Comment #5

It sounds like he's having trouble letting go... offering to set you up makes no sense for anyone!.

,..

Comment #6

I told him it was both very sweet and very horrible. And that who and when I date using Match.com is of no concern of his. After having time to reflect, I think he just felt guilty about hurting me. But his behavior was unacceptable. It just hurt me further. I'm taking time away from him.

I hope! I'm having trouble letting go too, because I want to be friends with him. Only time will tell if that is possible. Sigh...

Comment #7

It appears that your ex is "old school", but I haven't heard of this sort of behavior in many years. Years ago, before matrimony entered my life, I would usually end a relationship (thru Match.com) with a girlfriend by finding a way to create a situation where she felt it was her idea to dump me. On occasion, if I found this to not be working, I would then try to find a male friend for her to ease me out of the picture..

Somehow, I think modern couples are too sophisticated to not see this for what it is...

Comment #8

I don't think this was the case since he dumped me. Made it clear he didn't want to see me AND he was the one maintaining contact. My only contact with him was when he called me. I think he felt bad he hurt me. Or he's crazy. Either way, I'm leaving him alone now...

Comment #9

I agree.  Keep your personal life personal at this point.

,..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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