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My first question is: Are most people who try eharmony or match.com really looking for a serious relationship or just some.

My next question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) a girl now for 4 yrs, she has always been dealing with Bulimia and I have always supported her through it. There have been days she tells me that she couldn't do it without me. Last year I unfortunatly went online and started talking to other girls in a way you shouldn't when you are in a relationship. When she found out we talked about it and we decided to work things out.

We have always had an off and on relationship (thru Match.com) It has now been a month and a half since we last broke up. Before we broke up we were planning on moving to Mexico for a year since she got a job down there. I was going to quit my job just to move down there with her. It's hard because we would have amazing days and then we would have days that weren;t so amazing. The reason being as she told me is because it's hard for her to deal with her emotions and herself properly since she has bulimia.

As it stands now she doens't want to talk to me and has told me she needs her space. Well she moves to Mexico Aug 4 and I have no idea what to do. She's told me that she still loves me and whats meant to be is meant to be..

I know I need to give her space, how do I know when to send her an e-mail or I have even looked into sending her flowers down there along with, a letter, and a cd. For you all to know I do really love this girl I know I made a mistake in the past and at the same time I know I could NEVER hurt her like that again...

Comments (5)

Your question was: Are most people who try eharmony or match.com really looking for a serious relationship or just some.

<<I know I need to give her space, how do I know when to send her an e-mail or I have even looked into sending her flowers down there along with, a letter, and a cd.>>.

You will know when to contact her when she contacts you.  You can send her a quick email or letter telling her that you will leave her alone until she is ready to contact you and then HONOR THAT.  That means no flowers. No more letters.  No CDs.  No emails, no phone calls, no long-distance dedications.  No calling her parents, no calling her friends.  She knows how to get a hold of you and although I know you want to show her you care about her, if she needs space, all you can do is tell her that you'll be around when she's ready to talk and then give her that space..

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Comment #1

If you have been on and off throughout the relationship (thru Match.com) maybe it is a good time to sit back and think about why you want to still hold onto this relationship (thru Match.com) or this woman..

Any eating disorder is a lifelong struggle and it is not just about the eating disorder...the eating disorder is a symptom of something greater going on in her mind and it manifests itself in the disorder.  It will always be a rollercoaster ride and sometimes you will find yourself feeling abandoned by her.  It is no different than being the spouse or bf of an alcoholic or drug addict..those disorders and what is behind them take over that person..

I know I dont have it in me to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone who will swing in and out of a relationship (thru Match.com) like that, as strong as I am..

If you are serious about staying with her you might want to check out a codependents meeting somewhere to better understand what is ahead of you if you stay with her..

Do you think that she doesnt want to talk to you because of what you did online with other women?  It is the same if you would have flirted right in front of her with other women.  It is not a nice feeling for her, I'm sure...

Comment #2

Thanks for the advice, yes it has been a rollercoaster ride and I have known about it from day one. I promised her I would work through it with her. As for her not talking to me it's not because of the mistake I made, because that happend over a year ago. I will give her the space thats needed and I won't send her anything. She has told me whats meant to be is meant to be and I have no idea when girls say that does it mean she thinks we may get back together or just making me feel better....confused?!..

Comment #3

I hope she will be getting some help for her eating disorder while she's in Mexico..

Whatever she tells you her wishes are as far as contact, you should take them at face value and do as she asks.  Tell her you are there whenever she needs support as far as dealing with the bulemia, but you will respect her need for some space and give her some time for herself.  If you want the female perspective, that is what I would want. ..

Comment #4

"She has told me whats meant to be is meant to be and I have no idea when girls say that does it mean she thinks we may get back together or just making me feel better....confused?!".

Just my personal opinion, but if someone said that to me...I'd figure that they didnt want to put any effort into this and whatever happens..happens.  But we all know what happens if you do nothing...you get nothing in return...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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