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Anyone with any luck in Match.com?

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My question is: Anyone with any luck in Match.com?.

My 2nd question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy long distance for 5 months. I know he is into me and he does most the pursuing. I have never had to question if he likes me or not. Recently he has been extremely stressed with work and thinking he is losing his job. He has been a bit depressed and frustrated on what to do. Also for a little background he has been married before and has a child.

I know he has had one other bad relationship (thru Match.com) where they always fought. He has told me he is gaurded and I can tell he is sensitive.Now our relationship (thru Match.com) has been great but it has been long distance and I always visited him in his world. When we see each other it is wonderful and he is so attentive and fun to be with. I just have relocated and am closer to him now. I am not settled in my own place yet and things have been a bit stressed in my situation on getting settled.

This hurt me, I had not seen in in over a week and a half and he would rather drive home in the middle of the night then stay with me.We talked the next day and he told me that he was just uncomfortable and had a lot going on with his work and had been so stressed. He said me being unsettled and meeting new people he did not want to get in the way. He first suggested taking a break until we were more settled in our situations. I laughed and said we hardly see each other as it is. Then he said I could come see him but he could not take the stress of visiting me until I had my own place.

I have never pressured him but I think with me being closer he has thought that is the next step.So I am confused. I feel two ways. One when he says he does not have the time needed to put into a serious relationship, does that mean I am not the one and he just has fun with me and likes my company. Or is he really stressed, nervous or scared that a serious relationship (thru Match.com) means headaches and heartache? Do I keep seeing him casually or do I pull out? I really like him and want to see if it will progress but I don't want to get any more hurt then I already am about this...

Comments (8)

The thing with LDRs is that they sometimes work BECAUSE two people aren't able to make one another a big priority due to the distance. So your relationship (thru Match.com) would change a lot being able to see one another a lot more often. I'm sure this is weighing on him. If he really isn't able to give you much of a priority, and doesn't foresee a time when work will demand less of his time, I'd break it off. But if his work stress is temporary for the most part and you can deal with him not being very available to you when he needs to work, maybe you can keep it casual for now and see what happens in the next few months...

Comment #1

I've been through something similar, so I'd say give it some time.  It has only been 5 months plus it's LDR, so to make this a serious relationship (thru Match.com) would also mean a lot of big changes and he's obviously not in the right place to make that commitment (work, stress etc).  Keep getting to know each other, see where it goes.  ..

Comment #2

Thanks guys these replies were all helpful. I do like him and am willing to be casual for the time being but I need to talk to him about it. He called me late last night when I was asleep and I am deciding if I should call him back tonight or shoot him an email saying I need a few days to think about things before I return his call. Then I would call him in a few days. This way he has time to think what it is like not talking for a week and gives us more time before we talk again to think how we feel about the whole situation.Ugh I liked this relationship (thru Match.com) because I never had to think about any of these kinds of decisions. Why can't it just be easy with not thinking on the right thing to do?..

Comment #3

You say you're debating whether or not to tell him you need a few days to think about it. Do you actually feel you need a few days to think, or would you be doing this in order to give the impression that you're not available to talk whenever he wants? That may be your answer there...

Comment #4

I agree with undercovercrab....if you actually need a few days to think about it, tell him that, perfectly understandable....but if your motive is to test him, see how he reacts (.This way he has time to think what it is like not talking for a week) ..you are starting down the wrong path in this relationship...

Comment #5

Yeah I think I was doing it to have him think I was not available. Although I still want time to think about how I feel about all of this. But I guess I have time to figure it all out during the next few months if we keep up the casual dating. So I take from the two post above I should just call him back tonight after work and finish our talk? Thanks for your advice it is tough to know the right thing to do in a situation...

Comment #6

If you feel like talking would be constructive to what you want, and it's clear he wants to talk to you, then go for it - I urge you not to play games like 'wait for me to be available' because a person who values honesty and openness will be turned off by this approach and you don't gain much from it...

Comment #7

Males always make work their priority over their girlfriend, it's usual. BUT, it's up to you if you can handle not seeing him for a long period of time, how much do you really like him and does he make you happy? If he doesn't make you happy, than it won't work out in your favor. relationship (thru Match.com) is hard work, everyone knows that, but it's also a joy. Ask him straight up if you really have to, be honest with yourself. Don't sit around and be sad, Smile...

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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