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Anyone using Match.com in New Orleans?

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My question is: Anyone using Match.com in New Orleans?.

My 2nd question is: I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) this guy for 4 months and I really like him. He's 5 years older and he always says that he's busy so we see each other like once or twice a week. I know he works and he's tired after work, so I try not to complain about not seeing each other a lot. He's always the one making the plans, and I just follow along with it. Even if I'm busy, I would make time cause I know that if I didn't, I just wouldn't see him at all that week. I'm beginning to doubt his feelings for me because he doesn't make time for me.

He's a really nice and good guy. It makes me worry, maybe he's just playing around with me. With my past relationships, I've been hurt a lot and now, I have this wall where I don't tell him how I feel because I don't want him to know that I'm hurting or that I really care for him or else in the end, I'll get even more hurt. I never call him on the phone nor do I text him unless he texts me and he doesn't seem mind at all.He told me the first time we made love that he was serious into looking for something REAL, and a relationship (thru Match.com) with me. I believed him.

I wasn't a virgin when I did it with him nor do I expect marriage out of it, but I want some honest chemistry and feelings. What should I do?..

Comments (18)

That's quite ironic because I was like Rose. I was talking to two guys and I picked the guy that I really like right now. I mean the only thing you can do is wait for her to make her decision. Of course if the wait is too long, you can moved on. I think I made my decision too slow and so, my guy is giving me a bit of a hard time(revenge)...

Comment #1

So you're upset that he only sees you once or twice a week, but you never initiate a phone call or a date? Why don't you? Ask for what you want!One of the biggest mistakes women make with men is to say, "I want him to want this without me telling him!" You are a big girl, be honest about what you want and what you feel and you won't have to question this anymore. Nothing bad will come from asking, I promise...

Comment #2

'....be honest about what you want and what you feel and you won't have to question this anymore.'.

IMHO, nothing good will come out of it either. I don't think this is about a 'mistake of not asking' at all. Seriously, if a bloke's into a woman, no asking would be needed. At 4 months, if it's a real thing and the woman's right for him, the man's smitten, infatuated and will make it clear to her through actions (not words).  The OP says in her post that he has more than enough time for friends and family (and himself) yet not all that much for her. IMHO that would tell me everything I needed to know.

Still very happy almost 6 years later)...

Comment #3

You assume that every single man that likes a girl needs to be smitten with her and wanting to spend every waking moment with her. This guy isn't your boyfriend, he's a different person who has different priorities and different wants...

Comment #4

Uhm..I'm amost 40, I've btdt, and I've yet to see a man who's as wishy-washy with a woman at 4 months who actually feels something for that woman and isn't just 'hanging on' to her until something better comes along. I obviously do not think every man is like my bf; I do however think that MOST men show their feelings for women they've only just met VERY clearly and a lot more often than once a week...

Comment #5

Ok, that's your belief. Mine is that it never hurts to ask. You also don't need to start your posts with "Uhm", it's the internet, you have some time to think about what you're writing. Just FYI..

Comment #6

Well I have to agree with both ladies that I should and not wait around to see what he does >undercovercrab. But at the same time, I feel like what glammygoth said is true too, if he really likes me like how much he says he does, then why doesn't he want to be with me more than once a week, there are weeks where we don't see each other at all. It makes me scared of asking because I don't want to come on too strong. He texts me everyday and updates me on what he is doing, but he doesn't like to talk on the phone. His reason just because he doesn't. We have only talked on the phone twice, and the first time was 15 minutes (2 months ago) and the second time more currently for about an hour.

We always laugh and smile a lot, I can tell that we are enjoying ourselves genuinely. We hang out at least 4 to 5 hours each other too, but then his priority seems to lean towards his friends more, how can I change that or how can I become the girlfriend who can always hang out with his friends?..

Comment #7

'...You also don't need to start your posts with "Uhm", it's the internet, you have some time to think about what you're writing. Just FYI'.

Eh..come again? I will start my posts on here and everywhere else juuuuust the way I want to, thank you very much! How rude and patronising was that?..

Comment #8

'....How can I make a guy want to hang out with me more? What are the signs that your boyfriend gives you? Everytime that me and him hang out. We always laugh and smile a lot, I can tell that we are enjoying ourselves genuinely. We hang out at least 4 to 5 hours each other too, but then his priority seems to lean towards his friends more, how can I change that or how can I become the girlfriend who can always hang out with his friends?'.

I get a feeling that you and your bf are much younger than me and mine? Can I ask how old you are? We're 39 and 42, we've been together almost 6 years, a long time, and it hasn't been about signs that my bf gives me for a long long time, our r-ship's too solid and established for that. Besides, we live together. But when I think back to 4 months (and then 6, 10, 15, 18 months) - not for one second did I have to doubt his being totally completely 100% into me and that I was  most definitely a priority over friends. If he wanted to spend time with friends, I came along and it became something WE did together. .

Like I said, by 4 months it was a given that each weekend would be spent together and we saw each other at least once during the week. We were alredy very much part of each other's lives. I never for one moment had to think of ways to MAKE him want to be with me because he very obvisouly did and showed me that he did very clearly, by regularly phoning and texting me, by spending amazing weekends with me, and having fantastic dates during the week etc etc etc...

Essentially, you just know when a man really truly wants you. There's no need to ask to spend more time together, or nag because when it's right it all flows and happens naturally. I'm not saying we didn't have the 'beginning stages' problems and even arguments which had to do with us getting to know each other and learning about the other, but I never for one second doubted his being besotted with me, into me, in lust and love with me and wanting to stay on and on.  I also experienced the same thing with all of my other previous successful long-term r-ships..

Bottom line is, what I can suggest is for you to just 'wait and see'. See how it develops. Wether it intensifies, gets better, you get closer or drift further apart. Don't waste too much time on this situation if it's obviously not meant to be. I wish you all the very best...

Comment #9

Never mind.

Edited 12/4/2009 7:58 am ET by undercovercrab..

Comment #10

Oh boy... This reminds me so much of my ex-boyfriend... ... claimed he thought the world of me, wanted to be with me, blah, blah blah... but just too "busy".  You know what that is man talk for?  He's just not that into you!!!  Bottom line, once a week was just not enough for me and I told him that, but he wouldn't step up to plate, so I broke it off... It was hard but I left and never turned back (we went out for about 5 months).   Call him on it and  don't settle! .

There are plenty of other men out there that will give you what you want... why are you settling for his crumbs?  It sounds to me like he's not that into you.  Don't wait around for him... don't waste the pretty :0)..

Comment #11

TO glammygoth: Yup, we are younger. He's 25 and I'm 20. I'm still learning how guys think and how to deal with them without being too clingy or naggy. Personally, many of my ex told me that I was too cold or distanced, and some told me I was too nice and clingy. I'm trying to find my middle ground. I really like this guy and I'm hoping to stay with him for a while.

If nothing changes, I'll move on. I don't want to waste my time and my youth. Thank you.To earthgrrrl: I'll try to talk to him and sees what happens, thanks...

Comment #12

Some relationships start out quick, as in they spend every weekend together, see each other every other day during the first 3-6 months. It works for some people, but not everyone. There are others that just gradually grow.  I have/had both types..

My current boyfriend and I didnt get serious until 6 months after.  During the first 6 months of our relationship, we saw each other only 2 times a week max and we didnt even text or talk every single day!!  Even when weekends rolled around, I wasnt sure if we were supposed to be hanging out together so I was pretty much in the same place as you..

Not saying glammy is incorrect, but I will agree with Undercovercrab in this case, just ask, you've got nothing to lose.  You tell him what you want, worst case scenario is that he's not that into you, then so be it, but at least you'll know for sure and will stop wondering the when's and why's, and move on..

By the way, I asked my bf.   He didnt give me a "relationship" right away per se, but he knew I wanted to hang out more so we did, and eventually everything just naturally worked out...

Comment #13

That's some really good advice. Thanks. I've talked to about it and usually he gives me very vain answers so I was just concerned. After reading what all you lovely ladies had to say, I know what and how to ask him now. I think me and him are going to work out fine, mind if I ask a few things about your current relationship?..

Comment #14

During those 6 months that you and him were just seeing each other once or twice a week max, did he tell you that he wanted something serious with you and were you okay with just seeing that much? How did you hint at or tell him that you wanted to see him more? I actually miss him a lot more now that we are at 4 months compared to when we just started dating. It's surprising how much feelings can grow. I'm glad to know that you two are going strong, makes me hopeful for me and that guy...

Comment #15

Things between us were very gray during the first 6 months.  Sure, we hung out and talked on the phone twice a week but I never had any expectations from him. To be honest, we were pretty much friends with benefits.  We went on dates but not often. Weekends would roll around but I never knew what to expect, should I make plans with or without him, will he call? what's the deal? .

Anyway, my friends did not like him at first because let's be honest, the situation seemed pretty typical and they felt he was just leading me on. Soooo...after our 4 month mark, I finally got the courage to ask him what was going on with us. I felt that I had nothing to lose.  If he didnt want to be with me, I was better off knowing now than later. I didnt tell him that I wanted a relationship (thru Match.com) right now or else, but I did tell him I was looking for more and needed to know his intentions with "us" (im 28 and he's 32).  He said he wanted to go with the flow and see where it takes us.  Since that conversation, he did a COMPLETE 180 degree turn on me, called me every day and included me in his plans etc.  everything just grew gradually. Mind you, this conversation took place almost 2 years ago! .

Bottom line is, if you want to know something, you have to ask.  I didnt hint anything, I told him exactly how I felt.  My bf and I didnt fall in love instantly and jumped into a relationship (thru Match.com) just after 3 months (like many people), we got to know each other first and then we decided.  He didnt chase me or declare his love for me either, but his actions were pretty consistent and always kept to his words..

Good luck with your man, just make sure you are honest with yourself.  If your gut tells you this isnt going anywhere, don't ignore it. If he wants space now, let him have it.  Should you two reconnect later on, who knows, anything could happen. Just my opinion. ..

Comment #16

Thanks, that really helps, I think I'm going to talk to him tonight and sees what happens. Thank you again...

Comment #17


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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