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Anyone using Match.com in Boston?

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My question is: Anyone using Match.com in Boston?.

My 2nd question is: I've been attending this church for 2 1/2 years now. Because of the size of it, the church has 3 off duty law enforcement officers to watch over the place. One of them is a police officer who is single. (I thought) A year and a half ago, I was in the hall waiting for my Dad in the restroom. In the meantime, the police officer came out and waved to me with his hand down by his side. I thought that was kind of strange but nothing of it at the time. Just being nice. First time I had seen him around, or not paying attention. After that when he would see me, he would say hi to me quietly when others were around or nothing back.

At the time, I was still wearing my wedding rings. Because I was sad and depressed over my marriage, I wore my hair in a pony tail, needed a hair dye job (saw the roots) and not dressing nice like I used to. I didn't care as long as I got there. Saw me with my son too. Saw me sad for some time and then happy.  In August 2008, I knew my marriage was over and didn't feel like a wife, so I stopped wearing them. Figured if anybody says anything, I would just tell them I am seperated and if I become single, we will talk then. The same week I showed up not wearing my rings, he walked by me and said hi there. After that, he started getting braver each week. Of course, I started dressing up and looking good... I started putting 2 and 2 together with him but didn't start making small talk with him for months because I was still married and didnt want to appear like I was leading him on. He still was going out of his way doing things for me. He would see me in the parking lot and go race down to the other end where the door was I go in and hold it open for me, or turn around and start following me, watch me driving off after service, watch me whenever he sees me, be where I am at etc, etc.

He said he hated it back on that side before and all of a sudden, he liked dark and dreary. Hmm... Obvious what was up. Wonder whose idea that was? LOL... He stopped doing that 2 months ago after I stopped going to the class. Hmm... I finally got the courage to tell him I was still married but was going to be leaving my husband because I did not want him to feel rejected. I wanted him to know why I was keeping my distance (for the time being).

He still kept showing interest in me. When I told him I finally filed for divorce in June, he said he was sorry to hear that but sometimes we all gotta do it. He said it will go fast, lol. Even asks how my son is doing to this day. On his side of the parking lot, when he is over there, instead of staying where he normally was after service to watch and wait to pick up the parking cones, he started going down by the doors near where I come out to see me leave and even watches me until I pull out of the parking lot! If I am not on that side to park, I see him pacing back and forth like he is looking for me. Still does it. Ironically, he patrols for his job full time in the same area of town I worked at until recently (laid off). I have even seen him respond to a call but he didnt see me.

He was all wondering where I worked at too..

One week, he said he was watching me walk to my van with my son, lol. Back in July, he was gone for 3 weeks in a row. When he came back, I told him jokingly, thought you left us. He said no, no, real quiet. Asked him what he did. Said he just hung out, didnt work(trying to see if he was still single). Fast forward to September. He was waiting outside around the time I get there.

He asked me how things were going. Told him divorce was finalized and X out of the house. He said I bet that is a weight off your shoulders and now you can move on. I said yes. Asked about my son.

I will see you later. He said okay. Thinking fterwards,stupid me, I bet you he was nervous because he was going to ask me out and I blew it!  He wasn't there until 2 sundays after that. He was outside again. He said he was inside for 1st service covering but they rotated to share the a/c. The other 2 don't, lol. When I saw him, he was looking at his cell phone but put it away when I walked up to him.

Anyhow, I figured because maybe I screwed up last time I saw him, I'd drop a few hints to see what he may do or say. I asked him what he was doing for Halloween. He said just passing out candy. I told him I was taking my son out and that my birthday was the day before. He said happy birthday. He never said anything about doing something or ask for my number.

I said see you later. When service was over and I was walking out of the coffee shop, I did not see him standing out there. I looked down farther to see if he was standing near the doors where I park at most of time near son's classroom, and there he was. Didnt walk over there to talk to him because I don't want to chase the guy and I walked back to my side of the building and left. .

He was gone the next 3 weeks until last Sunday. I figured I will give him my number and tell him to call me if he wants to hang out or go for coffee. Still showing interest in me, so why not? Maybe he is afraid to because of his position and is wanting me to do it. Friends even said same thing..

I first saw him in the parking lot when I came in, chatted with him and then he had to go do something. I told him to look for me later, so I could talk to him. He said okay.On my way into the coffee shop, he was standing outside of it. We chatted and talked about holidays and all, and he said he was trying to get his family to change their Thanksgiving dinner time so he can be there because he has to work that day. His family lives back in Michigan(both of ours) and I said to him, I thought they live back in Michigan. He said they do but his FIANCE's family lives here! I then said, your engaged? He said yes, getting married in April and working on all the details, hates doing it but cant wait for the day, etc, etc.



Then after service let out, he was standing outside the coffee shop(knows where I go all times), and when I started walking past him, he said see you later. I put my hand up like don't go there and kept walking. Didnt even acknowledge him. Why say that to me? I have NO desire to have conversation with him again. I don't even want to say hi to him. And he still watched me until I left and when I was talking to people.



How can somebody do that to you, especially knowing what I got out of, my situation in my marriage and to befriend me and act like he wants to get something going with me and for sooo long, starts to ask me out 2 months ago, but he got nervous or whatever it was, so I said see ya later, acted single, and now say, I am getting married? Especially to act like that in the type of environment we are all in?.

Either he is lying or has somebody and is playing her too, which is wrong! You don't do that when you are in a committed relationship. There's a difference of being friendly or flirty and all that stuff. This is why I divorced my husband!..

Comments (6)

I am curious. You confided in him and disclosed details about your personal situation. What stopped you from taking the liberty of asking him if he was single, attached or married? Why did you assume he was single? On the other hand, he knew you were interested in him and also vulnerable at the time. He should have done the right thing and disclosed he had a fiance. You made a mistake, it wasn't a big one. Chalk it up to experience.

Best wishes to you...

Comment #1

Okay, maybe he is not a complete jerk, but he did go out of his way doing things and planting himself where and when he knew I would be, and on his side or the opposite side of the building, etc,  instead of what his normal routine was. He did say some flirty things to me. I am not in the complete wrong here. I never started any type of friendship, etc, with this guy. I did not even start to be friendly back to him for quite some time because of my situation and then he still kept doing more things, talking to me 1st and going out of his way like he really cared for me. Others there too noticed this too and he did fish for information through another friend of mine trying not to be obvious about it but was.

Yes, he is a police officer and that is what they do for a living, understandable. But this is not normal behavior for a man who is just friendly. This wasn't cool for somebody who is in an exclusive relationship, that's all. And he did have ample opportunity to slip something in at one point about it instead of continuing to show he liked me as more than a friend.

Granted, he never asked for my phone number, but I was married up until early September when he asked if the divorce was final and he started to say something more about this then chickened out.

He shouldn't have let it go on this far if he is taken and others there have thought he was single all along too and had no clue. If you dont want people to know your involved when you are, there is something wrong this picture. Other men I am friendly with there do not act this way. We just say hi, how are you, and is it really casual. They don't act this way, married or single..

I am fine with being divorced. Long story short, both my x husband and I realized we made a mistake getting married and are happy being friends and taking care our son. I am over that. I will be okay...

Comment #2

Shame on me and lesson learned, I probably should have asked him if he was, but this is not normal behavior for a man who is just friendly. Especially for the last 18 months! It is like he is now saying, I wanted you for so long and now that you're available, I am not. This wasn't cool for somebody who is an exclusive relationship. And he did have ample opportunity to slip something in at one point about it instead of continuing to show he liked me as more than a friend.

Granted, he never asked for my phone number, but I was married up until early September when he asked if the divorce was final and he started to say something more about this then chickened out.

He shouldn't have let it go on this far if he is taken and others have thought he was single all along too and had no clue. Five months ago, I was standing next to my officer friend and another guy on the security team came up to him and asked if 'w' was trading places with him so he can see me. My officer buddy said, I plead the 5th. I did not say anything as I was still married. If you dont want people to know your involved when you are, there is something wrong this picture. Other men I am friendly with there do not act this way. We just say hi, how are you, and is it really casual.

 .

Edited 11/23/2009 12:56 am ET by western-girl..

Comment #3

Well, I do hope that next time you won't just assume someone is single. I don't see anything definitive in your post that shows he really led you on, but maybe it got to the point where he realized he might seem like he was leading you on and at that point he decided it was best to tell you about his girlfriend.If you want to get angry at him for being unfair then that's your choice but in all honesty I can't see why it warrants starting a messageboard thread. That situation is over now and you can look for someone else...

Comment #4

Not shame on you, it was not a major fallout. It was a fantasy. You never got to first base. You say he had ample opportunity to disclose. True. But you had ample opportunity to ask.

Drop it, learn from it and chalk it up to experience...

Comment #5

I really think you're making too much of this situation.  Yes, he was a bit flirty and overly-friendly, but he never asked you out or for your phone number.  He probably finds you attractive, but it never went to an inappropriate place for a guy who is in a relationship (thru Match.com) or not because he never took it further than some mild flirting.  People in people oriented jobs like this (security, retail, etc.) are overally friendly, flirty people and I think that's just the way he is..

And there is no "shame on you" but I agree, take this as a lesson learned in that you need to find out more about a person.  If you could go for a year and a half with such superficial conversations that you never asked/found out he had a girlfriend or fiancee then this wasn't much to make such a deal of.  Maybe he WAS more friendly with you than with others, but I bet he probably flirts with some other women at church too and you just didn't realize it.  It's a big place and I'm sure you're not alone..

I'm sorry this hurt you so much, but IMO, he really didn't do anything so horrible.  AND I don't think you should let this non-relationship get to you so much.  Brush it off and move on knowing better next time..

 .

    ..

Comment #6


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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