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Anyone know anything about match.com because I'm really finding some losers.?

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My first question is: Anyone know anything about match.com because I'm really finding some losers.?.

My next question is: Hey all,So I've been seeing this guy for about three and a half months - he is wonderful, everything has been going great and really smoothly. We've been able to talk about everything that comes up and I feel that we've been totally honest with each other. We've been spending lots of time together, we have lots of fun, the chemistry is there, and he really has been everything I could hope for in a boyfriend- kind, thoughtful, supportive, I haven't felt jerked around or played at all. Until now - I feel all needy and scared!On sunday night, after a great weekend together I decided to drive the 35-40 minutes back to my house so I didn't have to get up early in the am. I have a stressful job and he knows I had been worried about stuff at work. He expressed that he wished I would stay but understood why I wanted to go.

Monday I didn't hear from him at all, no big deal. Today I texted him, and got kind of short answers back. We agreed to meet up for dinner tonight with some friends. At dinner he says he is in a bad mood and in a funk. I ask him if he'll fill me in later, and he says there isn't much to say.

He says he just needs to figure it out for himself. I tell him that I'm hear for him to talk to if he wants, and I ask him if there is anything he needs to tell me. He says he just doesn't really know and had hoped it would pass but it didn't. I ask him if it's anything I did. He says no.

He says he just wants to figure this out by himself first and I'm easy to talk to so he'll tell me when he knows.He's going away for the weekend and I asked if I'll see him before then. He says he'll be around the next few days.We kiss goodbye and I feel connected but also kind of left in the dark. I guess I should just give him his space and not bug him - but this just feels so different from the guy I've been with the last three months. His friends said that he gets like this sometimes, but I just hate not knowing what is going on. I feel like he's worried about something with us and won't tell me, and that's the last thing I want..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Anyone know anything about match.com because I'm really finding some losers.?.

I would back off if I were you.  Sounds like you've already pushed it enough already.  Also, unless a guy comes  out and says it's me I never ever say "Is it me?"  Why would you assume that anyways?  I mean, that is really insecure and insecurity is not ever attractive. .

Def give him space.  He told you several times, he has to figure it out on his own.  Everything in your post was about how -you- felt and so on.  Well, not everything is about you.  Obv he is going through something.  Give him space to deal with it...

Comment #1

I agree with blairbear, who seems to know quite a bit for her age... "Is it me?" is not a question I'd ask either, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you" is a better way of approaching the subject of what's causing him to feel this way. If he wants you to know it's about you, he'll tell you. I want to point out that you're still getting to know him and this is his first bad mood. Everyone has them. This was bound to happen at some point, and there will be more of them.

If you give him space, don't ask too many questions, and go on living a GREAT life on your own, he will be inspired by you and you will be more attractive to him. If you freak out or join his funk, you'll add negativity to one another's lives and there's nothing to be gained from that. Remember to stay positive and do things that make you happy as an individual...

Comment #2

Thanks to both of you. I know it's needy and insecure to ask if it's me, I just have never seen him this way before. Every time he's had an issue at work or something like that he's been able to talk about it with me, so that's why I wondered. It just seemed odd and VERY different from how we've interacted the last few months.But one thing I did realize reading your posts is that I did make it all about me and it's not. I want to support him if he wants that and otherwise, I do have my own life (very much so) and I have no problem giving him space, if that is what he wants. I just got a very foreboding feeling after last night and it freaked me out a bit.

I appreciate it...

Comment #3

Just remember, everyone gets in a funk and everyone has a freak out once in a while too.  (What's important is that they're not like -all the time- lol).  I'm  sure it'll work out.

Blair..

Comment #4

"I agree with blairbear, who seems to know quite a bit for her age...".

Thanx!! Actually, I hear this all the time lol  I don't know soo much, really.. But I do have certain unshakable points of view that comes from my parents - who always told me I deserve the best, never settle, don't take crap from anyone lol  And I listen to them well   I'm sure it comes from that I am also a daddy's girl.. and my first boyfriend was like heaven so I know how to be treated well and know when something is unacceptable to me.   .

Hm, lobsters and bears.. I want to know what other 'animals' are on the board now teehee..

Comment #5

I know you feel anxiety right now but it's best to just law low...focus on your own  life and not worry..

You want reassurance from him...but he is not willing or able to give it.  So just let it go....you cannot force him to talk..

In time you will know...but you need to give him space.  Really, it's the best thing. The worst thing is to hound and pester a man, especially in the fragile beginning time.  He will more likely come back to you if you don't push him..

 .

 .

Soliel..

Comment #6

Well, we talked at lunch today. Turns out I was kind of right - we had had a big conversation about spirituality and religion on sunday and apparently it got him thinking. Our beliefs aren't totally in line and he got all stuck in his own head about whether our relationship (thru Match.com) was right if that aspect didn't match up. I didn't realize it was such a big deal to him, but I knew SOMETHING was up.We talked it out and we're fine, but now I'm just kind of processing. It's good to know that this is important to him, at the same time having matching spiritual/religious beliefs has never been important to me. I have my own way of looking at things and I've accepted that other people think differently, but it would NEVER occur to me that someone wasn't right for me because their thoughts differed from my own - unless they were hellbent on changing me to fit their belief system.So, while I feel much better, and he says he feels much better after having talked to me, I also feel kind of uneasy.

I admit I'm afraid to become over-invested if there's a good chance he will decide our religious beliefs just aren't compatible...

Comment #7

Guess it depends on exactly what he said, if you got the impression that "there's a good chance he will decide our religious beliefs just aren't compatible".....

Comment #8

No, actually I got the opposite sense. I think he realizes that it is kind of ridiculous, and I think what he really wanted to know is if I would listen to him and take him seriously. He said that our conversation made him trust me more and that he has trouble opening up to people in general. It also sounded like some of what was bothering him was that during our convo about religion and spirituality, I mentioned that I think as individuals we have an obligation to know and love ourselves and be able to support ourselves. Only then do we have the capability to truly know and love and support others. He said he was thinking about that and wondering if he had that sense of self and confidence - and I got the sense he hoped that a relationship (thru Match.com) would complete him.

I'm kind of just thinking out loud here, so thanks for listening. I have been the caretaker in so many relationships and I thought I had finally found someone who could take care of himself....I don't want to read too much into it, especially because I think at least some of this is coming from both of us being a little scared at becoming closer and more attached to each other. So I think we need to just keep spending quality time getting to know each other. And, in the end, we are talking and being as honest and open as we can so that's the best we can do. However it turns out, so be it...

Comment #9

"and I got the sense he hoped that a relationship (thru Match.com) would complete him. Big red flag for me, to be honest".

Ohh yah, bad thing for him to say! Ehhh.  And kind of cheesey too.  lol. .

" I thought I had finally found someone who could take care of himself".

I agree - this is very important that they can take care of themselves!!.

Well, at least you are paying attention and are recognizing these things.  Many people are totally obtuse!  But yah, just keep hanging out.  Sounds like you've got it down..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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