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My 2nd question is: I recently ended a 3 year relationship (thru with a man who I loved more than anyone I have ever met. He was aloof and disconnected much of the time and at the end of the year he moved about 6 hours away for a new job. It was quite painful to have him move and the long distance part of "us" just didn't seem to pan out. We tried but too many variables got in the way and as of the this weekend the relationship (thru was finally put to rest.I am missing him like crazy and last night had a dream that he came back to me and my family was all around and he ended up talking to my father (who he never met who passed in 1994) and they got a long famously then he came to me with blood all over his face and my father said that he had tripped and hit his head. It was horrible and all day today I am haunted by that image. Not sure if it means anything but it makes me miss him so much more.How do I pass the time until this mourning pain subsides? I know it was the right reason but for all the wrong reasons I want to call him and get back with him. I miss him greatly and I love him so much.Any ideas on how I can cope with because my dreams aren't helping me in anyway whatsoever.Cindy..

Comments (4)

 So let me get this right. You say that he's "aloof" and "disconnected" MOST of the time, right?   So what is it about aloof and disconnected men that you love so much?.

 So to me, in order for you to get any kind of healing, I would be curious how you'd be able to honestly answer that question...

Comment #1

I am sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through now.  Here is my experience on healing..

First dont get in a hurry to get through it.  Allow yourself to have all the feelings, hurt, anger, tears, laugh, remember the good times and bad times.  Take this time to do things YOU like, be very selfish, go out with gf's, family.  Find things you are interested in and do them.  Do some deep soul searching as to what you really want in a man and in your life.  Above all do not even think about dating (online dating with or finding someone else at this time.  When you are through the grieving/healing process both your head and your heart will know.  This healing time as a norm usually lasts about a year, it's different for each person..

As for the nightmares, that is  all your feelings and thoughts jumbled into a mess and that is how it manifests itself.  These will end too..

I wish you well.



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Comment #2

My honest answer to this is I love the man not the behavior. The behavior and not the love is the reason we are no longer together. I am in counseling and working on the whole being attracted to unavailable men even if I had no clue when I met him 3 years ago that he was aloof and disconnected. I am learning that the time to make the right decision about this man is before I fall in love with him and the moment he first indicates his aloofness and disconnectedness. Does that answer your question??..

Comment #3

 It's nice to know that you ARE in fact seeking professional help. I asked that question, NOT for me, but for you. I know why you date using aloof and disconnected men. It's b/c that's what you know how to do. How do I know this is true? You do it.

 I'm not quite sure what the difference is between, "the guy" and his "behavior." I know for me, we ARE our behavior. We act out our thoughts most of the time, and our actions, really... ARE who we are. You may think of it in different terminology, and that's fine, I'm just saying who he is as a guy, IS... his behaviors..

 Again, I'm glad you're seeking help and I'm sure if you're serious about wanting help, you'll come to understand why you do what you do..

 Be well.....

Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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