Your question was: Anyone ever heard of the website adultfriendfinder and is this dangerous, just like match.com or cup.
Hi and welcome to the board. These articles may help give you some ideas:9 Unusual New Places to Meet Men.
6 Places Where Men Go to Pick Up Women.
Top Cities for Picking Up Men.
Where can I meet marriage-ready guys?.
Relationship Trend: Flirting in Traffic.
How to Find a Boyfriend: 15 Tips from Professional Matchmakers.
10 Fun New Ways to Meet New Men and Feel Good About Yourself.
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I'm not the "Dating Doyenne", but I know a bit about WHERE to meet guys. I'm going to share some stuff that I've learned along the way and then get to the meat of your question..
Did you know there are OVER 3 billion men on this planet? If you were to only date using Match.com .0001, that would leave you with 100,000 men to pick from. You would have to date using Match.com NON-STOP for the rest of your life to be able to date using Match.com 100,000 men. My point is that there are TOO many men to pick from. The same goes for men looking for women. So learning WHAT you like is THE most critical part of this equation.
If you are COMPLETELY comfortable and at peace with who you are as a woman, dating (online dating with Match.com) can be VERY fun and easy. If there are any 'chinks' in your 'mental armor', I would smooth out those chinks before I'd consider dating. Here's why: if you have any types of emotional baggage that you haven't resolved, the guys you date using Match.com WILL feel the effects of your issues. It's not fair to the guys you date, to have to deal with your issues. Plus, if you have issues, you will ATTRACT guys with issues as well. Likes attract likes, as opposed to 'opposites attract'.
So since you DO NOT have issues and your at your best mentally, WHERE DO YOU MEET GUYS? Did you know there are THOUSANDS of me around you EVERY day? Unless you live under a rock in some rural area, men are EVERYWHERE!!! You're just not 'putting yourself' out there, so that they can SEE you clearly. Men are attracted to similar personalities as their own. Let me clarify, QUALITY men are attracted to similar personalities, OR a personality that believes in herself and KNOWS she has great things to offer, other than looks and a vagina..
I've helped many guys work on getting better with women, and one of the first things I have them do, is to make a 'grocery list' of things they want from the women they desire to date. If you have NO idea what kind of man you want, it's like walking into a grocery store saying "I'm hungry" with no grocery list. The choices are so abundant, you could leave that store still hungry and unfulfilled. But if you had a 'clear' idea of what you wanted, you could walk in, grab what you want and be eating YOUR choice meal in a very quick time..
Make a list, AND BE CLEAR, of the kind of man you want. Be as picky and precise as you want. The mistake TONS of people make with the dating (online dating with Match.com) process, is that they "SETTLE" for something less than what they deserve, and spend years learning the hard way. Don't be these types of people; be clear about what you want from men..
ALSO, another EXTREMELY important factor is what kinds of things you're doing, outside of dating, that would make men want to be with you. I know for me, I've educated myself on so many different things in life, that I truly believe that EVERY woman would want to be with me. This isn't conceit either, it's something I truly believe. And... I've picked a woman that blows my mind. The thing is, *I* was very selective and took my time, the key being that I had made myself to be a "HIGH QUALITY PRODUCT" that most women dream of having.
It just so happens I'm very happy with the one I have..
My point is to be LIVING your life to it's FULLEST. That means that you're living out your dreams, you have goals, have you PASSION about something in life that you're pursuing, OTHER THAN MEN. People that are passionate about something good in life, become EXTREMELY attractive to those around them. So if you have hobbies, are in clubs, or are doing things that 'put yourself out there', the chances of you meeting a man with similar tastes as you, DRASTICALLY increases. It's just how it works..
People that go to the bar on the weekends, meet people that go to the bar on the weekend. I'm not a bar type of guy, and I didn't meet my girl at a bar, so I know from experience that there are TONS of quality people OUTSIDE of the bars. It's up to you to put yourself in the areas where your types of men are. Whether it be art galleries, museums, bingo halls, book stores, the zoo, the park, at the gym, at the grocery store, gas station, stop light, where ever. There are men EVERYWHERE!!!.
If you have any thoughts or questions, I'd love to hear them..
Hi Zakl,Thanks for the male perspective. That's important I think. I wish there was a book that listed the places men go to seek out women (beside the bar). Where do they go when they are looking for a girlfriend (not a one night stand)? One little issue I had with what you wrote is the statistic at the beginning. Yes there may be that many men in the world, but not all of them are single or dateable.Another question, if you do activities, be out there, when do you spend time with your family, friends? How do you actually meet a guy? I'm quiet and shy.I am all about not settling, like you mentioned, but making a list and sticking strictly to it I think limits a person as well. I don't have a type, and am quite proud of that because I've dated a lot of different types of guys and have REALLY learned on a lot of different levels what I like and don't like.
Any ideas?Thanks again for your response...
Yeah that stat is just that... a stat. And I love all the questions too. You're making me think. : D.
I'll start with question #1 and go from there. Where to guys go to look for a g/f? Well, lots of guys aren't going out 'specifically' looking for a g/f. It's not to say that there aren't guys that are 'looking'. I think the mistake people make with the whole, "I'm looking for a mate" mentality is that, they're TRYING really hard. dating (online dating with Match.com) isn't meant to be hard. It's people's "thinking" that makes it hard.
The guys that are really good with women, KNOW women are EVERYWHERE. The guys that aren't so good with women, HOPE something will cross their path. It's the same with women. Like I said, men are EVERYWHERE. I know you said some are not single or dateable. The realist of all realities is that ALL men are dateable and single.
It's not even real. It's made up! So like I said, in the most profound form of reality you can think of, ALL PEOPLE ARE SINGLE. People say they're not single or ARE single, b/c that's what they THINK. It's not reality. I'm probably getting WAY deep, and so I'm not sure if you're ready to hear about this kind of stuff, so I'll keep it a bit 'lighter'..
Did you know there are TONS of people in 'loveless' r-ships that stay with each other until 'something better' comes along? Girls are especially known to do this. Some would rather be in an unhappy r-ship than to be single. So when I was out dating (online dating with Match.com) and a girl told me she had a b/f, it didn't mean much to me. Now if they told me they were VERY happy with their guy and that she was content, that was the end of it. You may think I'm a home wrecker, and that's your choice. The FACTS are that many women AND men are CONSTANTLY looking for an 'upgrade'.
That's why *I* learned as long as I became the BEST man that I could become, there would be an unlimited amount of women for me to pick from. I've worked very hard to become the man I am today. So there are TONS of men that are available, even if they're in a r-ship or "undateble" by your standards..
I'm assuming you're single, so I'm going to point out a few things that may be keeping you single, if in fact you're ready to change your single status.
1. If you don't know what kind of man you want, you're going to keep getting the results you've been getting. Listen, I don't make up these things I'm sharing. I had to learn them myself AND apply them. If you don't believe making a list will help, and you like the results you've been getting, keep doing what you've been doing..
2. You're shy AND quiet. So basically the ONLY kinds of guys you've probably attracted are the 'shy/quiet' types. Which is like the blind leading the blind. B/c guys like me, don't usually hang out with quiet people. And I'm not the 'fraternity' type either.
I'm just saying it's not likely.
So IMO, the NUMBER 1 thing you MUST focus on, is learning NOT to be shy and quiet. If you don't focus on this and move past this 'label' you've given yourself, you're going to keep getting the results you've been getting. Something MUST change for you to be successful. And the EASIEST thing to change is YOUR THINKING. Your BEST thinking has gotten you to this point in your life. So if you're not content, it's b/c of your thinking.
It doesn't work!!!.
You asked, "So how do you meet a guy?" Well once you get over being 'shy and quiet', you'll find out that meeting people isn't hard at all. Once you're able to 'get outside of your head', it's much easier to see the great qualities people have. So if you're too busy 'worrying' about what they think, or "I'm too shy to talk to him" or any other "THOUGHTS" that LIMIT your success, you'll never be able to see the good in people, and SHOW them what's good about you. That's why it's SO VERY CRITICAL that you get over your shyness. It's an excuse you've given yourself to FAIL. Whether or not you're ready to accept that fact, IT'S TRUE.
It's not allowing you to achieve the things YOU KNOW you can achieve..
I've taught many guys how to get over their shyness. I can teach guys, b/c I've had to learn it myself. I've spent YEARS learning how to date. I finally realized that it had EVERYTHING to do with how I was thinking. Once I changed my thought process, I was able to get out of my head so that I could actually talk to and get to know people, AND have them get to know me..
The bottom line, Girl, is that as long as you keep thinking the same thoughts you've been thinking, you're not going to progress. You have to re-learn a better way to think about things. I spent two years ALONE with zero g/f's, few friends, and TONS of time to understand that it was my thinking that was my biggest problem. It didn't take me long to understand that everything I had been taught, was WRONG. So I had to re-learn how to think. It was the BEST two years of my life.
I'm getting better as we speak here. I'm continually learning new ways to think..
I could have summed this all up with the above paragraph, so I'll leave it up to you to ask more questions. Asking questions is how I began my journey to where I'm at now. Keep asking them!! Eventually you'll have all your answers and more....
One last thing. You asked about being passionate about 'solo projects'. You do realize there are people that are VERY comfortable being alone by themselves, right? They're so comfortable that they can go out into the jungles of Asia for YEARS studying gorillas, having ZERO human contact, and still function normally. If you can't be comfortable ALONE, how are you going to be comfortable in the most intimate situations with someone next to you. That's why you MUST get over being shy. Being shy is another way of saying, "I'm not comfortable with who I am as a person.
What's your thoughts?.
I agree with you about the whole "thinking too much thing." But it's difficult to be aware of those opportunities if you're not thinking about them..
The "quiet/shy" thing isn't a routine, it's my personality. You can't just change it especially if it's not a bad thing..
Guess I'll just keep my eyes open whereever I go (shrug).
"The "quiet/shy" thing isn't a routine, it's my personality. You can't just change it especially if it's not a bad thing." You say it's not a 'bad' thing, I'm not saying it is or isn't. So I have to ask you, has being 'shy or quiet' ever kept you from BEING or DOING the things in life you REALLY enjoy? If so, then I would question your thought of "you can't just change it." Which in reality, you CAN if you REALLY want to. It may not be a 'bad' thing to be shy, I just wonder how productive it is holding on to this label you've held on to for all these years..
Again, if what you've been doing IS NOT WORKING, it's b/c you haven't been able to question the thoughts you have. One thought I would question, is, "you just can't change it especially if it's not a bad thing.".
Hey, if you like the results you've had, keep doing what you've ALWAYS done. I'm just offering something to you I'm sure no one else has offered..
Try online sites like match and eharmony. Ask friends, co workers, etc if they know a nice guy. Attend seminars, lectures, do volunteer work. The more you are engaged in your life and doing things you enjoy the more likely you will meet people of like interests - one of whom can become something more. So raise the focus on adding more interests to your life, versus the goal of wanting to meet a guy, which adds lots of stress. Good luck.
Thanks for the reply. I've tried eHarmony, and it's a slow process, which is fine. You mentioned just do the things that you love, but what if you love less social things such as writing and going to the movies? How do I find out what seminars and lectures are going on? Are those apropriate places to meet men over the college going age?.
Here's a few my co-CL posted on the Breaking up Is Hard To Do board:.
31 Ways to Meet a Quality Man .
Where to Meet Your Next Great Date.... - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22557.1.
These articles are a good start. Basically do things that interest you and where you might meet interesting people (i.e. seminars, classes, etc). And let your whole circle know you're looking and want them to be on the lookout..
And take a chance. Say hi to the cute guy behind you at Starbucks. It can be a bit of a numbers game but he's out there.