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Anybody have any success on yahoo match.com . Any dating? Found soul mate? Shag?

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My first question is: Anybody have any success on yahoo match.comAny dating? Found soul mate? Shag?.

My next question is: Hi, I'm new on the dating (online dating with Match.com) board. My divorce was just finalized two months ago (but 8 months seperated) so I'm only barely starting to date using Match.com again. I just had one last week with someone I met through a mutual friend. I've no interest in going out with him again and was wondering what people thought about giving the whole "I enjoyed your company but let's just be friends" speech via e-mail given the particular circumstance of our current interaction..

The backgroud: He was very nice and respectful the first couple of times I met him so I agreed to go on a date, but apparently this guy did not ever get past 7th grade when it comes to dating. Though he was interesting and intelligent enough to talk to for the most part, during our dinner he made a few (I feel) inappropriate sexual remarks that made me uncomfortable and then when we got to the movie all but suggested we should start making out. When I told him he was moving much too quick for me he was actually baffled. I put him off that night with regards to any second date using Match.com so I had a chance to regain my balance..

Now, before the date using Match.com he'd actually called or texted or e-mailed every day from the time he asked me out to the actual date using Match.com (about a week). Usually I ignore people who do this as it's too excessive and needy but he had seemed nice enough at the time so I engaged with him a little more. Now he has continued to text me since our last date using Match.com and ask me out to things but has not actually called. I had intended on giving him the "I enjoyed your company but let's just be friends speech" when he next called but since he hasn't actually done so I'm not sure what I should do etiquette-wise? If he were someone I would never run into again, I'd probably just ignore him, but since we have mutual friends and I'm likely to see him again, and really think he's probably a nice enough guy just with a little too much arrested development for my taste I'd like to be honest with him. Since the only contact he's bother to make with me since the date using Match.com as been electronic would it be inappropriate for me to just follow his lead and e-mail him my speech? Should I just call up out of the blue to do it (seems harsh) or just wait until he actually calls, in which case I have to choose to engage in texting or e-mailing with him or ignore him which puts me back to what I didn't want to be rude and do. What do you think?..

Comments (10)

Your question was: Anybody have any success on yahoo match.comAny dating? Found soul mate? Shag?.

Given that he's not calling you, I would go ahead and email him and get it overwith rather than either ignoring his texts/emails or continuing to engage with him..

Sheri..

Comment #1

 Its usually kind of presumptuous to do so before he asks you out -  he may 'get' your ambialence towards him. the best time to say it is usually WHEN he asks you out again. however, to avoid getting lots of unwanted emails and text, YOU can call HIM and say, I think you are nice but I'd rather remain friends only.

Toni..

Comment #2

" Its usually kind of presumptuous to do so before he asks you out ".

I agree with that, the problem is that he has asked me out again, but it was through text and e-mail. The very next day after our date using Match.com he texted me seeing if I wanted to do anything that night. This was during the day while I was at work, so I wasn't about to call him then, and didn't want to text 'not interested', but while I was considering what to do I got an e-mail with more suggestions. Since I had plans already I just fell back on "No thanks, already have plans." Then the next night he shows up to something he knew I was doing (with friends) after telling me he was busy that night (surrounded by people not about to tell him then), but stayed at a friendly distance from him so I was hoping he was getting the idea. Then on Saturday I get a forwarded evite from facebook for an event but no personal message and later a "Hey, how's it going" text. Should have called him then but I was in the middle of something and tired of dealing with him, so I just ignored that one.



Yes, I do know I could call him, but that is definately my least favorite option as it seems the cruelest, but perhaps an e-mail is crueler, it's just that a part of me almost feels like it will serve him right as it feels like he's trying to keep me engaged but is a little afraid to face me directly because of what I he's afraid (and what I will) say. I guess that's my question, which is the lessor of the evils. Toni looks like you are going for "call him" and Northwestwander for "e-mail". 50/50 vote so far! =-D Though you are both definately for the "do it right away camp" which I am taking note of - Thanks!.

Edited 6/30/2008 5:13 pm ET by bluebayou2..

Comment #3

The next time he texts you, just reply "I dont feel that there is any chemistry between us for dating".  If he says "lets be friends" my usual response would be "no. we were not friends to begin with and we are not friends now."..

Comment #4

Oh, without a doubt, if I have to be on the receiving end of "thanks but no thanks" with someone I don't know all that well, I'd SO much rather get it in an email than in a phone call made expressly for that purpose!.

I had that happen a number of years ago when I first started dating (online dating with Match.com) after my last LTR ended and I couldn't believe it when the guy CALLED me (after just one date) to tell me he wasn't going to be calling me!!! Talk about hurtful, and WTF are you supposed to say to that?  Uh, ok, thanks for letting me know.  I think I got off the phone and cried (I was pretty fresh from my breakup as I recall)and I was PO'd as well for him to put me on the spot like that..

Anywaythat's all by way of saying, much kinder IMO to let him deal with it in his own time on receipt of an email without you on the phone with him..

And my understanding was that he HAD already asked you out again so that's why I responded as I did..

Sheri.

 ..

Comment #5

I'm of the belief that how you 'end' one thing greatly influences how you begin another. Given you've only dated once - go for email.  I've used the phone method with a few men who called and called and called - so I finally got tired of hearing or seeing that they called and head them off at teh pass so to speak. I've also been pushed to do it in person with a couple of men - they were ungracious enough to press about going out again and while I try my best to not be rude or unkind to people, when someone doesn't leave well enough alone, then I may be 'less' than gracious back to them.  I do not like to feel pushed into something - esp. a date using Match.com with someone I do NOT want to see..

I've also gotten and used the email route - but usually when there is ver little invested like this case..

Toni..

Comment #6

Sheri - You were right, he had, I was responding to Toni who was under the impression that he hadn't. You made a really good point about rather receiving an e-mail if you don't know the person very well. That's kind of how I was feeling too. I can't believe that guy called you to tell you he wouldn't be calling! Its not just rude, it's kind of weird. There's honesty and then there's just stupidity!As it turns out though he called tonight so I got to talk to him and told him how I felt. He was fairly accepting, though I can tell he wanted to argue it, but he was trying hard.

Its possible that I'll have to deal with him again in the future if he tries to make another attempt, but it's always easier to enforce what you have already established then having to say it the first time. He kept insisting that he didn't think he was moving too fast, though. So he still just isn't getting the whole dating (online dating with Match.com) requires both people to be on the same page thing, but the best part about this - that just isn't my problem now!Toni - I try to be kind whenever possible too, but you are sooo right, sometimes that just encourages someone who is determined to get his way. I might have to deal with that a little here, but I'm willing to try first since it would make things easier if we could move to a friendship (not bff or anything just being able to hang out in the same crowd graciously).Thanks everyone, it's kind of nice to know peoples opinions about this for the future. Text messaging has really changed the face of dating, no one did it last time I was single.

Edited 6/30/2008 11:28 pm ET by bluebayou2..

Comment #7

<<Toni - I try to be kind whenever possible too, but you are sooo right, sometimes that just encourages someone who is determined to get his way. I might have to deal with that a little here, but I'm willing to try first since it would make things easier if we could move to a friendship (not bff or anything just being able to hang out in the same crowd graciously).>>.

I had a first meet/lunch date using Match.com with a man I met OLD a few years back. As soon as he walked in I was sure that he physically was no where near what I am attracted to. However, I was committed to the lunch and wanted to give him a chance. Turns out he was also no where near what I am attracted to personality wise either - and he was SO taken with me. It was very obvious.  We just didn't click at all.

As lunch ended he asked could he see me again and I said thank you but I'm not feeling the level of chemistry I know I need to have to date using Match.com someone. Then I got in a VERY whiny voice "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???!!!!" and he said it loud enough that the people at adjoining tables heard him and looked over. One lady looked at him and then looked at me and I could tell she felt great sympathy for me.

Then this jackass started to ask all these ridiculous questions like many women do about why don't you like me? etc. etc etc in order to 'talk someone into liking them' I was so turned off an absolutely horrified. I kept hoping that the waitress would come to get the check but she didn't. It was really uncomfortable and he wasn't letting up. I finally said "Thank you very much for lunch. I hope you find what you are looking for.

By this point because he was making such a fuss and being a baby, I didn't care if I hurt his feelings or not.

That was one of the weirdest encounters I had had in a while. Thankfully,  I haven't had one that bad since!.

Toni..

Comment #8

"That was one of the weirdest encounters I had had in a while.".

Toni - LOL - Oh my goodness, that would have been awful! At least you didn't have to see him again after that...thank goodness for small favors, huh? ;-).

I did end up e-mailing him today after all. After I got off the phone with him last night he starting texting me and they were definately of the flirty variety. The he asked if he'd slobbered when he kissed me ( I was so busy pulling away I wouldn't have known if he had.) I just replied "No". Then at 1am I get a text message telling me that I must have unconscious feelings for him because I'd given him a kiss on our first outing together (a little grandma peck to say thank you - I'd also been hoping it would satisfy him because I could tell he was working up to trying to kiss me for real which I wasn't ready for - it didn't so I guess it just backfired). Anyway, I thought I'd best be clearer and an e-mail would be the best way to do so in response to his text, since I've already done the over the phone route. I think I was firm but not mean, we'll see how he reacts.



Mari..

Comment #9

Well if he persists now - then he's the one being rude. A man in a good emotional frame of mind will understand. just food for thought. .

Toni..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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