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My question is: Any promo codes for Match.com from Canada?.

My 2nd question is: I am still stewing..

So via text yesterday around 2pm, my "friend" stated that we should watch a movie and drink wine.  So great, I get the wine, he supposidly was getting the movie.  He then texts back that the previous night he had only gotten 3 hours of sleep (part time job) and that he was going to lay down for a little while.  Ok, I'm down with that..

(Mind you, it is an HOURS drive to get to him). .

So by 6:30 pm, I start to make the drive (stupidly without trying to get in touch with him first).  I arrive in his town by about 7:30.  I call him.  No answer.  I leave a message stating that I am in town and wondering if I should just stop by.  I also said that if I hadn't heard from him by 8:20, I was heading back.  No answer. .

OK, I was an IDIOT for driving an hour without a verbal affirmation that "we" were still on.  So at 8:30, I drive back to Richmond.  I turn off my phone.  I am heartbroken and beaten down  ;(.

This morning I had a missed text fom last night (after I had already turned off my phone).

9:30 pm, last night.

Him:  OMG! I just woke up!  Where are you?.

 .

8:12 am, this morning.

Him:  Hey sexy, did you get my msg last night?.

Me: yep I got it.

Him: I am SO sorry!I really wanted to see you  ;(.

Me: thanks I appreciate it.

Him:  ? .

Me:I appreciate your apology.  I just don't know what to say.....  Im not mad, just cautious.  I think your awesome, but I just don't know what to think.

Him:  I actually thought you would have just come by since I didnt answer.  Could've woke me.

Me:  I dont know you well enough to know that I could have done that.

Him:  I bet you could've.

Me:  and for all I know,  you were blowing me off.

Him:  lol whatever... told you I was gonna take a nap.

Him:  just ended up being longer than expected......texted you then fell back asleep and didn't wake up til 7:30 this am.

Me:  I believe you.  Not mad, I understand.  Glad we chatted.

 .

Just now,  (approximately 4 hours later) I get a facebook message from him about how he was watching his niece..

 .

I don't get it!!!!!!!!  I know he is probably not into me because I would have thought he would have tried to make it up to me by saying something along the lines like "can I make it up to you????  when can I see you again?????.

Why, if he's not interested though, is he apologizing and still communicating (albeit totally virtual) ?????????   .

Don't get it.  Want to blow him off, but we know hundreds of the same people (we went to middle school and highschool together, although we never hung out back then).

I know I don't owe him ANYTHING, but I feel guilty if I am mean to people or or blow them off (even if they are hurting me).

And I suck at "seeing" things.  I overanalyze a lot and I'm always looking for trouble, so I don't trust myself..

Am I blowing this out of proportion????  Is this a Mars versus Venus thing????   Or does this guy need to go?????.

 .

Thank you!!!!..

Comments (13)

Well, you already know this but driving to his house without a set time and verbal agreement was kind of a setup for disappointment. If he only had three hours of sleep, I can't blame him for wanting to take a nap and yeah maybe he should have set an alarm IF you had a time set that you'd go over there. But, he made it pretty clear (at least to me) that he did want to see you and the only thing that prevented him from answering the door was being exhausted. It was a bad circumstance that didn't work out but probably could have been prevented if you didn't assume he would be awake when you got there.Don't write him off for something that was mostly your fault. I really do think he wanted to see you, very much. But next time you know what to do differently...

Comment #1

First, get of the darn texting for these moderately important relationship (thru Match.com) conversations.  This particular conversation is one better handled at least with a phone conversation..

Second, you set yourself up for disappointment when you went over there without the confirmation from him.  Should he have set an alarm?  Yeah, maybe but he didn't.  You two had only tentatively agreed on plans meaning it sounds like you didn't have a time set, only that you talked about getting together.  There was no confirmation of OK, I will see you at 7 kind of thing so honestly, that was YOUR fault.  You shouldn't have driven all that way without confirmation and when you did, you should not be disappointed in anyone but yourself for not being logical with that..

Then you got pissy and turned off your phone last night so you didn't get his message.  If you left at 8:30, you got to your town at 9:30 so you were hardly in bed asleep yet and thus that was the reason for the phone being off.  I would bet that if you were really honest with yourself, you were annoyed and mad and didn't want to have the phone on to hear an excuse or explanation from him. .

He did text back and apologize.  Should he have picked up the phone to do this? IMO, yes but I think I remember you mentioning that this guy is a big texter.  But at some point, I think one of you should have gotten on the phone to talk this out..

As for the niece thing, what did the FB message say - did it day "I had my niece from 6 to 9 last night, we sure had fun!" or did it say "I got to hang out with my niece last night, we sure had fun!"  His perspective of "night" could have been different - maybe she left his place when he told you he was going to lie down.  Maybe she came over after.  Thing is you don't KNOW. .

He was tired, he fell asleep, he apologized.  You can accept it and MOVE ON or not.  That's your choice.  But if you have accepted his apology, you need to move on and let it go.  IMO you are blowing this out of proportion.  This was a one time thing.  If blowing you off becomes a habit then end the relationship.  But let this one go..

 .

 .

 ..

Comment #2

You feel guilty? Why? You have nothing to feel guilty for. This sounds like a mis-communication. He may be interested, he's just not good at communicating. And it doesn't make him or you a bad person, and you don't owe him to keep seeing him if you're not compatible with him. You just have different communication styles. What you need to decide is if this is something you can live with or not.

I need to be with someone who communicates the same way I do. But I tend to be a little anal. Some people have really laid-back personalities where stuff like this wouldn't bother them - I take it this guy is one of those. So you need to decide for yourself if this is one thing you can live with or not...

Comment #3

Firstly, at my age of 39,  I cannot fathom having any important conversation by text or Facebook or anything other than phone. Why not phone each other??.

Secondly, this is no miscommunication, and you may have been wrong to drive to his without confirming first but at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter and doesn't change the fact that the behaviour  you've described is SO not of a man who is interested in and into a woman, and wants to pursue something of importance with her. .

 Do a mental swap: you arrange to see a bloke you fancy like crazy and want to develop a r-ship with, for 3-4 hours from now; he says 'great, I'll be there'. NO matter how tired, how exausted etc etc, would you DREAM of just going to sleep without setting an alarm at least an hour before his arrival to not only wake up and tart up but also to tidy up, make snacks etc??? Not to mention that, in my (probably oldfashioned) book, when you're expecting someone you're majorily in like/lust with, you couldn't just go to sleep?? You'd be too excited for that wouldn't you?  .

Bottom line, anyone would make an effort if it was someone they  were truly interested in regardless of anything, and he didn't only make NO effort whatsoever, he as good as blew you off..

Loose him, and move on..

Edited 11/20/2009 7:54 am ET by glammygoth..

Comment #4

Dont write him off...stuff happens. try to let it go. )..

Comment #5

It could be anything from him blowing you off ( taking it as his disinterest,rude) or he really fell asleep.You cant judge on one incident but if it happens again and again then he is being very rude and blowing on your face.Not worth losing a breath over.It is also my view that texting makes a 'real' person hide ,in the initial phases of getting to know each other...

Comment #6

I think it was an unfortunate incident. It was not on purpose, these things happen. Don't beat yourself up for going without a confirmation-this is how we learn. You won't do that again. Go forward, forget about it, he wasn't playing you. Ideally, in a perfect world, he would have done the right thing by saying "'how can I make it up to you, when can I see you again?" Don't get disheartened yet! Give him a chance. You'll find out soon enough if he's a keeper...

Comment #7

HI, I really think you are blowing this out of proportion. He fell asleep. If I drove all that way, I would have gone to the house and woke him up. Of course I would have called before I left too.I think he was just tired. I would not blow him off for this reason. I also don't believe he was blowing you off.

Give this more of a chance. Save the wine for next time.I hope it works out....

Laurie My web pages http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html..

Comment #8

First, thank you VERY much for the feedback.  I really appreciate it.......

I agree with what each of you said......

1)  I totally need to stop the texting or at least NEED to communicate via actual phone calls.

2)  He truly fell asleep.

3)  He was kind to follow-up and apologize.

4)  I was a tad immature when I shut off my phone.

5)  I totally shouldn't have driven up there without confirmation..

With that being said........  we have a date using Match.com tonight.  And I actually went out with another guy this past week, so I am totally keeping my options open........  I think that has helped because I haven't been answering texts as quickly and now there is a sense of urgency on his part.......   like "where are you?"  "what are you doing?"  "I want to see you" sort of things.  It is nicer being more casual versus worrying about whether him and I will work out or not......... .

So again, I thank you for your feedback.  The dating (online dating with Match.com) world is HARD; it is  a game of sorts.......  I am going to try to be smarter about playing it coy and not showing all my cards...

Comment #9

Hope your date using Match.com goes well!! Good for you, you bounced back from this one like a champ...

Comment #10

You are playing it really smart right now! You go, girl!..

Comment #11

I believe you are playing it very smart right now....

Laurie My web pages http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html..

Comment #12

Thanks again guys!.

Date went well.  We got sushi, wine and watched a movie.  His live-in roommates (a couple) watched the movie with us.  He held my hand and we had good conversation and laughs.  He mentioned a future trip with friends in February and asked if I wanted to go, but I am still keeping my cool.  I'm excited, but feel empowered (thanks to you guys!!!!!!!)   Before I would have totally started acting clingy, but now I've got a mysterious edge.  I like this guy and I don't want to screw it up..

My new motto is "if you keep bumping you head and doing the same thing over and over with the same results, something's gotta change, and that's you (me!) ".

Thanks again.   No chasing them, they have to chase me. ..

Comment #13


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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