Any men in the Denver area been out with women?

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My first question is: Any men in the Denver area been out with women?.

My next question is: I've been talking to this very nice man for almost 2 years now. We started talking after his wife asked for a divorce, they are divorced now. We have discussed very personal subjects and we both have detailed what qualities we would like in our partners. Both of us have had reason to be very cautious, since we are both afraid of being hurt again..

Recently, one day he came to see me (we are work acquaintances), sounding troubled and confused he stated that he doesn't know if he's ready to start a relationship (thru but can we start as friends and see what happens..

He has told me numerous times that he always feels better after we talk and thaqt I'm a wonderful woman..

 To avoid coming off as 'to eager' after he gave me his number, I waited 2 weeks before calling him. He was very excited to hear from me, asked if I was busy that weekend, I said that I was but could we get together the following weekend. So, he's coming over this weekend.

I'm confused - does he really just want to be friends or is he nervous about me getting away before he's ready..

How long should I give this 'friends' status?.

I am very scared of getting hurt again and I don't want to set my hopes to high. I do want  loving relationship, and I keep telling myself that I'm ready to leap but I am VERY nervous..

Please share your thoughts - whatever they might be.


Comments (4)

Your question was: Any men in the Denver area been out with women?.

Maybe instead of leaping you should try just dipping your toes in the water... Take him at face value, accept him as a friend (who couldnt use a friend!) and if something more develops... great... if not... thats okay too!..

Comment #1

Hon, if you are afraid of getting hurt, then you are NOT ready for anything more than friendship.  And neither is he.

You might want a loving relationship (thru but you clearly are not at a place emotionally to BE in one. You are in a protective frame of mind and that means that you are focused more on pain than you are on love - your heart is not fully open  Until you can look at a prospective date using without thinking 'hurt'  then you just aren't ready to be emotionally intimate with that person.

You both would be smart to set some very firm boundaries here first - No kissing, no sex, no sleep overs, nothing at all like that for a good long time. In fact, you may want to even keep your dates, really casual - meeting in public places, going out with groups of friends - do things that don't put you into situations that force intimacy until you both feel more open to it.

When your POV is to avoid pain, and you leap into a relationship, it's almost guaranteed that pain is what you will get.  Dipping toes is much smarter - stay out of each others homes, stay out of beds, and do FRIEND things. Focus on enjoying the FRIENDSHIP first - anything that follows will be much stronger if you do..

If you can't do these things, then know that you will be hurt.  No one runs on a broken leg. If they try, they get more intense pain AND possible long term damage to their leg. Likewise, don't try to force intimacy into a broken heart - and being afraid of hurt is a heart still mending. Doing so only pushes your healing - and real love - that much further away. You must first heal before you can be open to love and intimacy. Allow yourself to do that or risk more intense pain..


Comment #2

Wow Toni,.

Glad that ton of bricks wasn't 2 tons! Are my fears that obvious? I've stayed single for years (yes, many years - had 2 bad marriages), stating "that I'm just stuck in my ways and not really sure that I want them to change". Well,  I have a lot of soul searching to do, seems like I really have been rowing down the de-Nile river..

If a complete stranger can see through my words - well all I can say is I've printed your note - why, I've only read it 6 times, so far- and plan to read over & over until I can be honest with myself..

I KNOW that I don't want to enter into any relationship (thru friends or lovers, if it isn't honest..

Thanks for the eye opener..

Comment #3

Haha - I know that river!.

Yes - it is that obvious. When you are truly READY for something, it doesn't matter what it is, then you aren't afraid of it, push it away, hide from it or otherwise protect yourself from it in any way - you RUN to it.  It can be a relationship, a job, a house, anything - when you truly want something, and are ready to have it, you have it. And you are grateful for it..

As far as what has happened in the past - get over it. Its done and can't hurt you anymore unless you continue to allow it. Holding onto the past is what causes pain.

There is a great workbook that you might want to get - Calling in the One by Katherine Thomas Woodward (I think that's her name) it is a 7-week workbook that takes you step by step through your old junk to heal those wounds and move past them so that you can get to a place of being open and receptive to give and receive love freely without fear of hurt.  Don't rush through it - it's well worth the time..

You can find it on Amazon.

Remember no one fears something they truly want.

Best wishes.



Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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