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My 2nd question is:  .

Hi -.

I have been talking to a guy that I have known for a while through friends for that past couple of weeks.  He has contacted me every day and we have spent a lot of time together..

He has a dog and a ex wife (recent divorce...1yr).  The dog has been sick.  The first time the dog was sick we have very tenative plans to hang out.  He called and said the ex wife wanted him to take the dog to the vet b/c it was sick.  When he did this he found out that the dog might have cancer and was really sad.  He broke out tenative plans and wanted to stay with the dog that night..

Since then we have hung out lots.  He is going out of town and asked me to come over before I left.  I said yes.  He then let me know the dog was sick again and his ex wife wanted him to take her to the vet again before he left town.  When he told me this I became a bit cold and distant.  I hate to wait around for a man.  I also do not like someone who breaks plans.  Of course I wonder if he still has a thing for his ex wife...  He said he would call me at six for an update..

When he called I was very quiet.  He said he was just going to pack and for me to just do my thing.  He said he was very sad again that the dog might really be sick and was still losing weight.  I was not the sympathetic or giving b/c I do not want to be made a fool if he is with the ex or still has something for her.....

He said he would call me later...I have not heard from him today....

Did I act ok?  Should I just wait for him to contact me to see if he still likes me?...  Also should I be more giving at this stage?  It just seems that it is all up to him as to wanting to keep seeing me or moving on... .

I tend to get over emotional...is this an example?.

Thanks,.

Keek..

Comments (7)

I think you might have gotten the wrong impression.  I absolutely love animals.  I have a dog that I am madly in love with.  I am and was really sympathetic with this guy in regards to his sick dog.  I would personally be devastated if this was my dog..

I'm just getting annoyed with his ex always wanting to take the dog to the vet.  I do understand about a sick dog.  The dog has been to the vet like three times in the last week.  She has a new baby and thinks the dog is depressed b/c of the kid...the dog does seem to be very low energy and is losing weight....so it is not an easy situation..

I guess I just don't want to be played.  I also don't like someone who breaks plans.  I am more sensitive to this b/c the guy I was seeing before canceled on me four times in a row....

I have been very good to this guy.  I don't know if he is shady.  I was just quiet on the phone.  I am a very sensitive person and can really give and lean forward way too much ...I am just trying to be careful..

I still think I should wait for him to call me....

What do you think?..

Comment #1

I totally understand..

Usually, I'd say yah, for sure, just see if he calls you.  Because I do not ever initiate contact with guys.  However, if I felt that I was insensitive about something and want to turn it around, I might send a text and be like-how's the dog doing, hope he's feeling better, something..  Depends on you. .

The ex has a new baby with someone else?  And you still think the guy wants to get back with her?  Well , I dunno about that.  But they both care about the dog.  Even if the ex didnt ask him, Im sure the guy would *want* to be there just for the pure fact that he gives 2 cents about the dog.  .

It could even be just a go-to thing for him to seem less emotional about the dog by saying he *has* to do it because the ex is asking/making him, when really of course he wants to be present for these medical issues. .

The bottom line is your needs arent being met.  It's up to you.  You can be patient while he goes thru these issues with a sick pet OR you can just forget him. .

Def not for you to date using Match.com a guy with kids.. ; ) lol..

Comment #2

Thanks for the advice!  Now I am starting to feel bad about my reaction.  I still think there is a little something there with him and the ex, but that does not mean I stop being his friend.  I feel that my reaction is understandable and hopefully he will accept it. .

I just sent him a text saying that I try to make light, but I really hope the dog is ok and it is nothing serious and to let me know if I can do anyting for the dog while he is in canada.  I'm not sure if he will get a us text in canada though....

The ex wife had the kid with some random dude...so now she is a single mom...and probably thinking she wants him back at this point...  She wanted the divorce...  I think that drives my paranoid....

Oh well...I have to let it all go at this point.  Do you think my reaction was reasonable?.

Thanks again.

Keek..

Comment #3

You mean your initial reaction about the dog?  Honestly, I thought it was funny lol  Like I was picturing you thinking ~I dont give a crap about your sick dog~ lol       Ok, so it might've been a touch selfish and insensitive.  But whatevs.  You sent that nice text so it should be good.  If he writes you off because of it, then it's not meant to be anways.  And if you write him off because he has to tend to a sick pet, may be similar thing...

Well you just started to see him.  So if he really is into the ex thatll become apparent soon and then you can drop him.  If he starts to come around soon, then great.  What's with the friends thing tho?  So even if you guys dont go romantic, you still want to be friends with him? .

Ok, look.  There are lots of perfectly good reasons someone might cancel such as illness of dog or even person.  I know someone, the guy's job was really demanding-military.  Not his fault-totally good reason-and he cant help it.  And he liked her lots.  But he could not meet her needs and she was not willing to compromise so she let him go.  So you may have to decide that for yourself with this guy...

Edited 5/29/2009 1:55 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #4

Hi Blairbear -.

Thanks for straightening me out!  I feel better about the whole thing now.  Like you said I sent the text and will have to see how he decides to proceed. .

I really like how you said as/if time goes on I will see how attached he is to his ex wife.  I don't want to be made a fool, but it wouldn't be the first time and I got through that so it is all good..

I've never been in a "real" healthy relationship.  Are there times where you feel like you are letting his issues and day to day occurances take presidence over your needs (like the dog and vet visits) for a while.  I know it is not a huge deal, but it is not like he is worshiping me...  Like we watched a movie a couple nights ago.  I made dinner and he asked me what I wanted to watch...when he arrived he was not as complamentary about me cooking for him as I would have liked.  Also he brought a movie that I did not say I wanted and did not like.  Apparently he really wanted to watch it.  Am I wrong to think that is selfish?.

Thanks,.

Keek..

Comment #5

I dunno if I'd use the word selfish.  More that you are expecting him to be able to read your mind.  Did you say you wanted a specific type of movie or no?  Now you know for the future, you can say what types you like.  How was he supposed to predict you wouldnt like the movie if you never said?  Even couples who know eother so well still cant read each others minds.  You have to state what you want and *clearly*.  Also, sometimes remember to compromise and watch/do things he is interested in.  This goes for any guy you date, you know?.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he didnt compliment me at all! lol  But I could tell he was in love with me by the way he looked at me, he always wanted to hold my hand, asked very detailed questions about me all the time, etc  Oh and the fact that he called me everyday and from the first day we met, we hung out every single day after that lol .

One day, we were walking together and I looked at him and he said "What?"  I said, "Nothing, you're just so cute" (and he was!!! lol)  And he goes, ""You're cute too".  I teased him, "Yah right.  You never say anything nice to me and when you do it's only after I've already said something to you first like 'You're so cute' and you're all 'You're so cute too'.  It's like pulling teeth to get something out of you" lol  *mind you, I said this in a playful way-I wasn't mad at all when I said this*. .

He said, "I'm sorry.  I'm just shy". .

Never had a problem again.  I was "cute".  Later that same day I was "pretty".  The next day I was "gorgeous".  All without any prompting to me whatsoever lol  He is the love of my life <3.

Neways, I am getting really mushy here..

The point is, people cant read minds.  If you're not getting what you want, state to the person what you want.

Edited 5/29/2009 3:18 pm ET by blairbear89..

Comment #6

Hi -.

That is a very sweet story about your boyfriend.  He does sound very cute!  I know what you mean about guys being clueless.  I also know how men and women communicate very differently.  I try to ask for what I need and be direct.  This guy is more on the slick side, so sometimes I'm not sure if it is lip service..

I guess with this guy I am just weary.  He is older than me and has more experience.  I  don't know if he just wants to have fun or is really serious.  I don't want to get my heart broken.  I was not sure if I really liked him, but judging by my current reaction I do really like him..

He is gone for the next week or so...it would probably be a good time to get back out there and get more dudes in my mix, so I have someone to fall back on if he decides he wants something else....

Thanks again!.

Karyn..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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