Let this one goWhen a guy tells you he doesn't see himself falling in love with you, listen to him....doesn't matter why he said it, take his word for it, if that is truely ok with you (which it doesn't sound like it is or you wouldn't be upset about what he said)then continue, but it there is any inkling that you would want more then cut your losses now."I'm under a LOT of stress right now and was really bitchy and overly sensitive to him last night." "we went to bed peeved at eachother last night b/c of my behavior. "Those two statements say alot and that is not good especially at 2 months, most people are on their best behavior at that stage, if this is the best I wouldn't want to see the worst.You might not understand how he came to the conclusions that he did about not being head over heels by 6 weeks (head over heels at that point would send me running) but he isn't you and doesn't think the same way. It shouldn't be an uphill battle at 2 months. I would let this one go...
He is just being honest. If he wanted to break up with you, he would have just broken up with you. There is really no other reason for him to upset you this much unless he means what he says and knows you'll only be hurt worse later on if he doesn't say anything now. He doesn't want to lead you on. For whatever reason, he knows you're not the one he wants to share the rest of his life with. He enjoys your company as a friend and he enjoys the sex, but things are not going to go further than what you already have.
I know you really want to believe that his feelings may change if you stay. But men really don't change their feelings for a woman once they have decided that she is not somebody they will ever fall in love with. You should really give some serious thought if you want to stay in this relationship. You deserve to find somebody who will really love you. If you do stay, it should be because you really are satisfied with things the way they are and not because you are secretly hoping that someday things will change.
While it may seem better than the alternative of losing him completely, you will still have to face that some day. It's likely to be even harder once you have grown even more attached. It is a tough situation, but it may be better to cut your losses now. Good luck!..
Thank you both for replying. Your responses are very helpful..
Rosewater, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. He "likes" me, but yes, he claims he just wants to make sure we are the "on the same page." I do appreciate his honesty, clearly he does not see me as someone he would want to share his life with. Eventually he will want to find someone he can see himself with. He is brutally honest, and it just suprised me he was SO brutally honest about it so soon. Most men lie or sugarcoat things. I just felt so sad because I feel like it could have been said in a gentler way. Such is life though..
As I mentioned, he and I both are divorced within the last year. So it's so hard for me to even fathom thinking about knowing whether or not I could love him/marry him(or anyone!) yet. Its been 2 months. Literally. He has been wishy washy about other things, and always come around, so yes, you are completely right when you say I want to secretly "hold out hope" for it to change. We met online, and he claimed he did not want to be exclusive, by the 3rd date, he decided he wanted to be exclusive. So I'm lame and I hold on to THOSE *little* things in hopes he will come around.
I admit it. For me, right now, I am OKAY that he doesn't love me *right now*. I am completely satisfied and happy with the way things are right now, I am happy, he is happy, we have a good time. I never would expect anyone to be in love with me at this point so I am bit resentful he brought it up..
So you are right, do I hurt now or hurt later? We spend a ton of time together and we have a lot of fun, and sexually the best we've ever had. Which is, of course, the reason why he doesnt want to break up. I suppose the best choice for me would be slowly seperate myself from him. I think it's the main thing, we DO spend a lot of time together, that change of suddenly not having that automatic hang out buddy would make me feel very lonely. I don't have many close friends, and am currently looking for a job so he gives me that "social" feeling. So in a way, I think I am holding on to THAT, rather to HIM.
I never thought of it that way until I just wrote it out and re-read it..
So right now, I AM happy where we are. I may never get to the point where I love him, there are things about him that could be dealbreakers, and he isn't going to love me. Part of me just says, "You are young, keep having fun with him and enjoy it while it lasts! You dont need a serious relationship (thru Match.com) right now anyways" and the other part is saying "You might get hurt worse in the end then you are would be right now, cut it loose!".
So I wonder, is it stupid/irrational of me to continue on with the way the relationship (thru Match.com) is, and if I find myself getting more serious feelings to go ahead and cut it off before they develop further?..
".that change of suddenly not having that automatic hang out buddy would make me feel very lonely. I don't have many close friends.So in a way, I think I am holding on to THAT, rather to HIM.. " Loneliness and desperation are not the means to develop a quality relationship. You may not believe it right now, but you CAN make new, and good friends, and develop a social life. I look at it this way: there are 6 billion people in the world, there's plenty for everyone!!.
"So I wonder, is it stupid/irrational of me to continue on with the way the relationship (thru Match.com) is, and if I find myself getting more serious feelings to go ahead and cut it off before they develop further?" You obviously already have some feelings for him, and you're not going to be comfortable with someone that doesn't share those feelings. The longer it goes on, the more painful and difficult it will be to break it off. ..