Crk21...from one bad dater to another (actaully...I'm more 'date-hater' than anything else), my advice to you is just lighten up and go with it. You said you feel things with him that you never felt before? Just enjoy that. And he basically voiced having the same feelings? Just enjoy THAT. I know it's hard after 2 failed relationships to trust anything or anyone including yourself. How could you not question your judgement two failed attempts with two different guys and the only common denominator is....ohhh...wait...YOU. Yeah...that's definitely enough to make you question yourself. However, don't let this get in the way of potential happiness with someone else. He says he likes you. Does he SHOW you that he likes you? You say he's a complete gentleman...so I'd guess that's a yes. You say there are no red flags again..sounds good. I understand not wanting to get hurt...no one wants that. But, unfortunately, that's the risk you have to take. It's a risk vs. reward scenario. You have to risk getting hurt, but the reward can be an awesome relationship (thru Match.com) with a great guy. .
I'd say just take things slowly which it sounds like you are trying to do. Don't think about what's going to happen in 3 months with this guys...or in 6 months...or in a year! Just take things as they come. Take time to figure out if what you feel for him is genuine and about HIM...and not about the fact that HE is not THEM. KWIM? Have fun...enjoy the tingles...enjoy causing tingles. .
Things sound good =). If you both are tingling...hey...you are doing something right girlie..
There are only things that seems to stand in your way 1) is this emotional sandbag..your ex. He needs to talk to someone? Let him pay for counseling. You did your tour of duty with him and owe him NOTHING. 2)The other thing is your mindset that you are not a good dater..
People have this ridiculous notion that relationships are something that you either succeed at or fail at. I dont know who decided to quantify the experience of knowing another person, but everyone seems to be hooked on being achievement oriented with something that shouldnt be placed there..
Well, of course you are going to meet and pick a bunch of men who are not going to be right for you!!! Finding someone just right for you means kissing a lot of frogs (so to speak). The trick is.. being able to identify early enough in the relationship (thru Match.com) that the person is not right for you and to let him go. To stick with something that doesnt work for you only hurts you - so if that is what has happened to you, then it is not so much picking or dating (online dating with Match.com) men not right for you (Unless...of course...the red flags are apparent *right* from the start)...it is identifying what works and letting go what doesnt..
Enjoy your time together...
Welcome to the board!!!.
The first thing I'd be asking myself is why don't I trust this guy? Is it him or is it what I've been through in the past. I've been through a pretty big betrayal before and I've meet a really great guy - I started to freak out a while back and I stopped before he saw this (thank God) and made myself think this through. My fears were from the programming I suffered during my last relationship. for the most part my guy lives up to everything. and it's me being doubtful..
Don't totally push your doubts away. It is a good way to double check yourself and the relationship. Are the feelings becuase of him or me? There really isn't any in between..
Also take this slowly. It's only been a few months since your break up and this developing relationship (thru Match.com) is just that - developing. Ask your guy to take this one slowly with you. He shouldn't mind. Be honest with him and I think you will see that there can be really great relationships.
Welcome to the board!!.
What great advice!!.
Hope to have your hear often.
Thanks Kristi!! Been lurking for a while. Posted on other boards, but new here. I'll be around!.