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My 2nd question is: I am 21 year old black woman and I just came out to a few people. I had feelings of being a lesbian for a while but I just didn't know how to cope with them. I am in a very religious family and tried to make the heterosexual thing work. I feel this new found freedom is on a need to know basis. I live in a somewhat small town and I don't want to be bombarded with questions. One of the people I felt needed to know was my crush from high school. We have known and hung out with eachother off and on since then.

When I told her that I liked her she looked somewhat confused. She asked me a few questions and then left it at that. That was about 3 weeks ago. Since then she has been in constant contact with me. She texts me all day everyday. We have had a few phone conversations.

We have gon out a few times. Including last night when we went to a house party. We were all cuddled up and stuff...awww lol. I set that date using up. There was flirting and she told me I was sexy, she tells me that she finds me physically attractive all the time.

She is constantly being complimented. What I dont understand is where she wants to go with this. When I ask her what she thinks about me she says she needs more time. When I ask her what type of title we hold she states that we are "talking" but I am the only one she is talking with. I don't want to become someones sideline entertainment! I try to get more into this subject but do not want to seem clingy or too agressive.

To me it seems as if this is just a ploy to keep me around but not make any type of commitment. I don't want to be led on just to have her tell me she is not really interested in me. Oh and at the previously mentioned date using to the house party she called at the last minute to ask if her friend could go. I don't know if that is because she did not want to be alone with me or if her friend just wanted to go. What do I do in this situation.

I refuse to be someones side project. Do I continue to take it slow and if so what is the cut of point for being drug along? How do I let her know that  I am genuine and am not just a LUG (lesbian until graduation) Any advice welcome!.


Edited 4/7/2008 4:44 am ET by ocooper09..

Comments (5)

 I think the biggest 'no-no' that's going on here, is trying to find out 'where you're at in this r-ship'. To me, this is needy behavior. I know you want to know up front, so that you don't get hurt, but... it's NOT a good thing to do. Why? B/c people who are NOT needy/desperate to date, don't feel the need to ask these types of questions..

 If you get offended by me saying this, then there MUST be some truth to it. So, if you're NOT needy, then... what's the rush to know where this is going? You know what I mean?.

 Listen, being patient and playing by the rules of the 'game', will more than likely make this r-ship flourish. By NOT playing by the rules, you're going to speed up the time to ruin it. So... just enjoy the times you spend together, and DO NOT be in a rush to get into something serious.

 She's obviously into you and the fact that you're asking the 'status' of this r-ship, is showing this girl that you have HIGH expectations from her. Aka, neediness.

 You both like each other, so hang out, have fun and TIME will tell whether or not this will turn into more. Don't rush the process..

 Have FUN!.



Comment #1

Welcome to the board!!.

I think you might be pushing things along a little too fast.  And Z has a point about coming across as clingy.  Just with any relationship (thru (weather lesbian or heterosexual), it takes time to get to know someone to see if you want to have a "relationship" with them.  Your friend was very unfront with you about where she is at.  Take her word and work on taking some risk.  It's not easy, but love is worth it..


Good Luck,.



Comment #2

I'm not sure if the lesbian community operates any different than the straight community when it comes to dating, but if it is anything like the straight community then her comment "When I ask her what she thinks about me she says she needs more time" - is laced with b.s..

Either she wants to date using you or she doesnt. ..

Comment #3

You know thats what I thought too but just today I found out the reason she needed more time was because she has to move to out of town in like 3 weeks. She is going to live with her mother because she is having financial issues. She didn't want to get into a relationship (thru for three weeks then have to go. A good reason I guess?..

Comment #4

It all far away does the mother live?..

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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