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My 2nd question is: I have been dating (online dating with this guy for about 4 months now.  He expressed early on he wasn't really looking for a relationship, but with my experience most guys say that and just see what happens, therefore making it so the girl has no expectation.  So I went with the flow, just to see if anything developed, while also keeping my options open in  the dating (online dating with field.  After a month or two it because semi-clear that we were gonna be stuck as just dating/hanging out.  We go out on the weekends with both of our groups of friends or will hang out at his place alone.  During the weeks we will usually hang out 1-2 times a week and always cook dinner together.  We have never really gone out on a real date using though...dinner/movie, etc.  Whenever we hang out we always spend the night together, sometimes we have sex while many nights we don't.  I have met most of his family (cousins, mom, brother), however he has never met mine.  I asked him once what we were to each other and he said that he didn't want to talk about it...and to me I took it as though we were nothing more than friends with benefits.  About 1.5 months ago I began dating (online dating with someone from my past who returned to town.  Considering I had never talked about being exclusive with the other guy I was dating (online dating with this seemed long as I didn't have an agreement to be exclusive (and this goes for both guys).  Right now I am caught up dating (online dating with two guys, which to me feels wrong, but my friends all remind me it's ok as long as no one thinks we're exclusive, and when that comes I will have to decide.  This past week the guy I have been dating (online dating with for 4 months asked me if I would go to his family easter dinner with him.  I don't know about all families but I know that that would be a big deal in mine.  I don't really look at bringing someone to a family holiday dinner as just a casual thing.  So now I am worried that I am basically cheating on him and will really hurt him if he finds out about this other guy, even though he is the one who has expressed and trys to make a point out of the fact we aren't in a relationship.  What is going through his mind?  Should I keep dating (online dating with both?  Yikes!..

Comments (3)

A couple thoughts:.

My experience has been that if a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship..

Not everyone puts meaning on coming to family functions.   I remember one my my old BFs invited me to his sister's graduation soon after we met and I was thinking, wow he must really like me.  I made some comment about meeting his family and he said something like, oh they're used to me bringing a different date using every time.  Put me in my place right away, ha ;-)..

So if you're looking for a serious LTR, I'm not sure why you'd keep seeing the first guy.  It's doubtful things will progress from where they are..


Comment #1

Just because inviting someone to Easter dinner is a big thing to you and your family doesn't mean that it is to him.  The fact that you've already met most of his family and he still emphatically says he doesn't want a relationship (thru with you, I think you are reading far too much into this and it really doesn't mean all that much to him.  You're just his guest of choice..

Oh and FWIW, guys who really are interested in relationships rarely go around telling you they don't want relationships just to keep you from having expectations.  If a guy wants a relationship, he'll let you know that up front.  Even then, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants it with YOU, but guys usually mean it when they say they don't want something serious..




Comment #2

I agree with the other posters.  Let both know that you are not exclusive with either one.  I believe that you shouldnt read too much into the Easter invitation and listen to a guy who tells you that he is not in the market for a commited relationship (thru because that is usually how things work out...

Comment #3

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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