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My 2nd question is: Hi everyone,.

Just to bring everyone up to speed, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We are planning on moving in together when my lease is up in August. We are very happy together, and have a lot of love and respect for each other. He is 30, and I am 23.

The other day, when he was gone, I reached into the nightstand next to his bed to get my contact case out. (I keep a few things in a drawer in his nightstand). I happened to see some pictures underneath some of his belongings. So, curiousity got the better of me, and I snooped. I know it was wrong, and now I regret it.

I happened to see a couple of past Valentine's Day cards addressed to him and pictures of his ex girlfriends. (He has had two serious relationships before me that he has told me about, and both girls he was with dated for about two years each.) Both girls he ended on good terms with. In fact, one of the ex's he actually considers a friend, as she has told him where to take girls on dates in the past, and any other kind of advice he needed. Of course, now he's not really friends with her as he is no longer single and has been dating (online dating with me for the last year. He has also told me that he would never date using either girl again ever, because they are "ex's for a reason". So, it's not about me being worried he'll get back together with one of them, I just don't like seeing reminders of them together.

My question is, do I tell him that if I move in with him that I would feel more comfortable if he got rid of the pictures? Or do I let him keep them, only move them into a different box, or something? I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn't have pictures of my ex and I, who I dated for three years. However, if he said he felt comfortable of me bringing my pictures of my ex and I with me when we move in together, I would dispose of them, or at least bring them back to my parents house.

The other thing I know that I have to keep in mind is that he IS seven years older than I am, so of course he has more of a history than I do. I just don't know if I like the fact of these pictures lingering by me in his bedroom. He's also mentioned to me before that he doesn't really throw stuff away, sentimental, or not. In fact, his past girlfriend's sweatshirt was in his closet, up until about six months ago, when it finally bothered me enough to tell him to throw it out. He threw it away with no problem. He didn't even realize he had it anymore, until I happened to ask him why he had a smaller sweatshirt in his closet..


Am I being dumb about this whole situation? Someone put me into perspective!.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!.


Comments (6)

"Let him"???  "Let him"?????  Seriously?.

I'm just kind of going, huh, here.  He needs your *permission* to keep memories of his life?  And you *told* him to throw the sweatshirt away???.

Wow.  That wouldn't fly with me, that's for sure..

Anyway, if the pics were out on the dresser, that would be a different story but they are tucked away in a drawer.  LET IT GO..


Comment #1

Thanks for the response!.

So, you wouldn't think that I would need to "talk" with him before moving in regarding these pictures of him and his exes/or of my ex and I? You think I should just ignore the fact that I ever noticed the pictures in the first place?..

Comment #2

Yes.  Pics of exes have nothing to do with your current relationship (thru so long as they're not being displayed..


Comment #3

<< I just don't like seeing reminders of them together.  >>.

I agree with Sheri ... and am going to lay it out on the line here.  Your age and lack of relationship (thru experience is showing.   Basically, you wouldn't have SEEN the reminders had you not snooped (see <<  >> statement above)..

You're making it sound like he's got these photos framed and sitting on his mantle.  .

You know the saying "let sleeping dogs lie"? ... that applies here.   If you raise this as an 'issue', he WILL think you're being neurotic.   And perhaps even doubt your maturity and/or if you're ready for a serious relationship. ..

Comment #4

Hi blueeyedgirl,.

Welcome to the baord!!.

I have a little different take on this issue.  I can totally relate on your feelings and have dealt with this too.  I don't think we should ask them or tell them to get rid of them as this just doesn't do any good.  I once read that a reason for someone keeping old pictures and momentos was due to their insecurites and these items reminded them that they are desirable and that they have had successful relationships before.  Another reason was becuase they wanted to remind you that they are desirable to others (kind of like holding it over us)..

Sounds like your guy is pretty good about this, so I wouldn't worry about this.  I'm going to ask my bf not to have pictures of his ex wife up in his new home when he moves (if they go back up)  I think it is more appropriate for his children to keep them in their rooms. .

Good Luck,.




Comment #5

It would be more appropriate for both of you to box up the pictures of your exes...

Comment #6

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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