If it were me...I'd take the trip and see how his behavior is when you return to normal routine. If he continues to demonstrate that other things and people are more of a priority, and you want more, then you can say something about it (depending upon how you feel about him). It doesnt have to be heavy. It can be something along the lines of "I love hearing from you - I wish we'd talk more often." If he doesnt respond to that...then you would probably be best off making a decision as to whether or not he is right for you on any level (serious dating (online dating with Match.com) or more casual). You need to determine where he fits in your life, if he fits anywhere...
What you are describing is called 'Instant Relationship" Women are notorious for trying to skip over all the necessary steps it takes to build a good relationship (thru Match.com) because they hate that 'uncertainty' that is part and parcel of dating/relating/mating..
Your expectations are unrealistic for the amount of time you have been involved and having sex doesn't change it. YOU want more calls, more time, more everything to 'get to know one another' - you are trying desperately hard to speed up the process and YOU CAN'T. If you try, all you will achieve is becoming needy, clingy and more insecure.
Hon, getting to know someone takes a long time, esp in determining the long term compatibility of one another. You can pretend to be cool all day long but unless you get your expectations in line with reality - you will still be insecure and that will come across. He may not know what is going on, but he will feel that negative vibe and it will be off putting to him - or any man.
What you need to do is relax. You are trying too hard to 'convince' him of how good a GF you can be. this isn't about him choosing you - it's about you choosing him. If you let go of your need to convince him how good a partner you are and look at this with 'how well do I actually like HIM and how well does he fit what I want and need?", you can let go of the crazy making behaviors and ridiculous expectations that sabatoge relationships before they start.
Accept the fact that your happiness is not contingent upon him liking you, wanting to marry you or anything remotely involving him. Your happiness comes from within you - as long as you give this power to anyone else, you will be at risk for insecurity and crazy making behaviors. Take a step back, get focused on who you are and will always be - whether he's there or not. You had a life before he come into the picture - don't lose sight of it. Stay busy with it and don't make him responsible for your social calendar or happiness.
Welcome to the board!!.
Toni is so right that us girls are bad at wanting an instant relationship. I'm guilty!! I think we need the time more than the guys do. Sometimes we want a relationship (thru Match.com) more than the man. .
You're a single Mom and that is a lot for him to digest. Give him time and you time to see if this can all come together. .
It seems to me that there is something that no one is really talking about, and that is.... you're going to spend a whole week with this guy, but you haven't really talked about your expectations of intimacy. You mentioned that the last time you were together, you were intimate, but your trip was planned before that time?Maybe you've talked about it with him and have both gotten your hopes up that this is going to be a cozy, romantic getaway... or maybe you just booked one room and haven't talked about sleeping arrangements, but I get the feeling you're nervous about this trip because you feel he's getting a bargain without putting a lot of effort into the transaction.Wanting, needing, and enjoying intimacy is a natural thing, but sometimes it's hard to keep those sexual desires from popping up and interfering 'right away'... when what we really want is a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone that involves more than just sex. Especially if we've been lonely for a while.
From one insecure gal to another:If you haven't spend a whole lot of time with this guy before your trip, spending a week with him and having a lot of sex with him isn't going to make him want to give you more attention when you get back from your trip. If it DOES, then it's NOT going to be for a reason that you're going to feel SECURE about. You're worth more than sex, no matter how good you are. SPEND the TRIP getting to know each other deeply.... personally.
And maybe not earning the right (in your mind) to spend that level of intimacy with you. If you feel like he's getting a free ride on the merry-go-round, then you should listen to that instinct. It's your self-esteem telling you that you're worth getting to know as a person... and that maybe you need more than just a few dates to convince yourself to spend an intimate week with someone that knows very little about how terrific and valuable you are as a person.If you feel like you misled him, you owe it to both of you to talk about it. Asking to take it slow because you care...
Is okay. Asking for a few days before you get intimate is okay, too. Maybe he'll react differently, knowing how you feel.... he might agree to sleep on the couch, or just cuddle. It will tell you a lot about his intentions and how much respect he really has for you.
Respect yourself and others will do the same. Value yourself, and others will see the value in you.Good luck, I hope it goes well...
My feeling on this is: Because we had met three years ago, and went out at least on six dates, that this is really not that new and I feel we have a bit of history, more than someone who just met. We have been out four times so far and one those times we had dinner then we went to his place and watched a movie. After that I was so tired that we decided I was staying over. He was so respectful we held each other all night but we didn't have sex. That to me meant a lot. The last time we saw each other I cooked him dinner, and that was the night we became intimate, which was the last time I saw him.
I do want something more, I want a relationship (thru Match.com) with him, so yes I am nervous about our trip and the fact that i'm afraid that when we come back he will be distant and that it will be over. I feel that going away with someone is a big deal, maybe that's why in my head I am blowing this out of proportion, and that's why I'm find myself trying a little too hard, and therefore feeling insecure. I'm usually not like this. I don't push anyone, or try this hard, I think the trip factor is what it's what making this more intense, compared to other guys that I have dated. He called me last night which was two days later after the night we were together and he asked to see me tomorrow after meeting his friend for a drink, so that's when I started feeling like " oh he's just coming over for sex", so I feel used.
I was so confused and overthinking everything so far. My daughters come back Sunday night, and I do want to spend more time with him not just a couple hours tomorrow. I was going to call him today, but I'm holding my own, so I didn't. Should I back off and try to take this guy no so serious? I hate playing games....
You decided to go on the trip. So ... make the best of the trip and allow yourself to have fun! On the trip he may be the most attentive guy ever...but when he returns it is business as usual because he may have his life structured in a certain way where the woman in his life has to fall in a priority status that is a tad behind his friends. Some guys are just like this..the buddies come first. You need to decide if you would like a life like that, maybe you wouldnt.
If you dont want him to go over your house after seeing his friends and feeling like #2 or #3 on his list, the next time he calls tell him so. If it were me and I didnt like that scenario I'd say, "nah, dont come over after hanging out with your friends...I want you for an entire evening, when can I get one of those?" If he didnt like that then I'd tell him what he could do with his precious few hours he is willing to *spare* for me..
But..if you do want to see him for the few hours he is willing to give you, and wont feel like #2 or #3, then allow that to happen and try to not be anxious about it. Allow yourself the opportunity to see what he has or wants to offer you...sit back and take it all in. You are very anxious about this and it's very simple....all you need to do is to allow him to demonstrate "what he's got" and then...you simply make a decision as to whether or not you feel he has a place in your life. ..