Don't ever assume anything... he has told you straight up that he is not ready to date using Match.com yet, he wasn't "hinting" most guys don't hint, they usually say exactly what they mean, it just gets lost in the reception to the female..
He might not want to date using Match.com someone that is not divorced and healed from that yet, I know I wouldn't. He might not be over his divorce, no one knows except him. If you can be buddies with him and friends then continue, but if you are wanting more, it would be best for you to let this go..
I agree with the other poster, getting involved with a neighbor is almost like getting involved with someone you work with, if things don't work out and you are not mature enough to deal with that then it can get ugly..
Welcome to the board!!!.
I agree that you shouldn't assume anthing. Take what he says as what he means. You have a lot in common right now because of what you have been through and it's nice that you have someone to talk to. Be careful not to mix up your feelings. It will be easy to do..
<< Quick background on me: I'm soon to be divorced. STBX is an alcoholic and was always gone getting drunk and fooling around. >>.
I'm going to take a different route with this ... as someone who was in a long-term relationship (thru Match.com) with an alcoholic (while he was drunk and while sober/in recovery) and that is ...don't jump into dating (online dating with Match.com) yet. Take some time (min 6 months) to focus on you..
Why? Because, there's only one type of person who aligns with an addict. It takes two to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with an alcoholic or any type of addict. And yes, while you are getting divorced ... that doesn't mean your 'healing' is over. Because without focusing on you and your motivations, right now you are in a prime position to not be looking for the right type of men. .
You don't know this yet, but this is the truth ... it's practically a universal truth of people who have been in relationships with alcoholics/addicts ... without FIRST taking care of YOU ... the enabling and 'fixer' ways do not just go away when the relationship (thru Match.com) ends ... so, there is a very high likelihood you will attract someone else who needs 'fixing.'.
Seek Copedendents Anonymous (CoDA) ... go to their Website and attend some meetings. Go to at least 6 meetings before deciding it's not for you..
Also, there's a Codeps board here on iVillage ... go there and share you story ... because, it sounds to me like you're jumping into dating (online dating with Match.com) ... as a distraction and a diversion ... but you (like many STBD women) aren't focusing YOU and healing from you marriage BEFORE taking that big step of getting back into the dating (online dating with Match.com) world. .
Thanks for all the advise and the opinions on my neighbor!.
While I actually feel better than I have in years, I will look into CoDA, didn't know it existed. I definitely DO NOT want to get into another relationship (thru Match.com) like the one that is ending..
I have decided to take every step I make very slowly. I have a lot of goals set for myself right now: getting my son through this, finding a full time job and getting my house prepared for selling are foremost..
As for my neighbor, I didn't expect to be attracted to anyone so soon but I'm not going to do any pursuing. I deserve better than what I've had so the next guy will have to pursue and woo me! .
I think I just feel that I've wasted so much of my life already that I sometimes get excited and in a rush to find that special someone..
Happy Weekend Everyone.
Allow yourself to get excited about feeling attracted to someone and allow yourself the opportunity to feel attractive to others. It doesnt have to lead to anything but it does help build your confidence...
<< While I actually feel better than I have in years, I will look into CoDA, didn't know it existed. I definitely DO NOT want to get into another relationship (thru Match.com) like the one that is ending. >>.
I really hope you do check it out. Too many people make the mistake of thinking that because their addict/enabler relationship (thru Match.com) is over ... that, well ... it's over. But, that is just the beginning of YOUR recovery. It doesn't matter that he's not in recovery or that he's still drinking. .
You need to understand the "why" of you ... why you were attracted to an alcoholic, why you married him, why you stayed and sure, yes ... celebrate the fact that you left (since it's so obviously NOT healthy to be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone who is actively abusing alcohol)..
If you were still in the relationship, I would recommend Al-Anon ... which you might want to check out, too ... but, CoDA may help you understand the dynamics of the relationship (thru Match.com) you were in just a bit better ... and help you understand YOU a bit better ... so, you can make sure you dont' go down that road again..