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My question is: Any 7 day Match.com coupons?.

My 2nd question is: Hi, First time posting so please forgive my spelling and other errors. I have a question about a ex I have. We met through my sister and brother in law almost 2 years ago now. We started kind of fast but we really got along well and couldn't get enough of each other. After a few months of going back and forth between two towns a hour apart we decided to live together and that seem to be the beginning of the end. 5 months later we broke up even though we both did not want it over.

We see each other on and off and it seems like she cant get enough of me we talk for hours on line and when we are together people often mistake us as a couple. Iv asked a few times to try again but she keeps saying no that she wants to be just friends but her actions don't match what she says. For example again we talk for hours on line when ever we are logged on our computers. We spend lots of time together and if I'm not asking some times shes has either asked or makes excuses why I should sleep over night at her place in different rooms. We get along well and have a lot in common but she don't seem to see it.

Iv backed off from asking her for another chance and have agreed to be just friends but find it harder and harder when she talks about at a later point she wants to find another man because she don't want to be alone next winter and I keep thinking what am I chopped liver? Please help I don't know what to do any more and I feel that I'm all set up for a big hurt again soon. I don't want to leave her again and lose her as a friend but I don't want to be hurt because she don't want me even though again her actions defiantly do not match her words. I do love her and will do any thing for her but I do have to consider my self as well. I do try to move on but a few times shes interfered till I broke up with the other person. I seem to keep getting more and more confused as what's going on especially when I spend more and more time with her it keeps feeling like we are going back together minus the romance part of it.

What should I do, give her more space to figure things out? or be just a friend and hope she chooses me over time? or just give up, move on and leave her alone?..

Comments (5)

Thank you for the advise. I did talk to her about the mixed signals and do feel that I'm being played. When we talked about being friends again after a long time apart she was ok with my feelings and even hinted at maybe trying things out but as of late she is sure about being just friends. Another thing is I expressed that I was having trouble sexually and I did not feel comfortable staying over nights because I afraid I would ask her some time. She told me not to worry about it so I did stay at her place. The next morning the phone rang she answered it and it died on her so she ran to the other phone with nothing from the waist down with the excuse that she had to grab the other phone before losing the connection.

The next question that popped in my mind is you have a guy in your living room sleeping on the couch with eye level at a foot below waist level knowing he is having trouble sexually why would you sleep in the first place with nothing on from the waist down? I had asked her what was going on there and she came up with that I saw her before with no clothes on she didn't think it should matter and it wouldn't happen again. I'm not a stupid person and for some reason I get the feeling that shes trying to take that for granted at this point. I am distancing my self from her but a part of me wants to be a fool for her to because at least I get to be with her even if it's not exactly what I want. I hate what this has done to me mentally but have to admit I have learned a lot to. I know I will be a good partner for some one and hope some day to find the right one but in the mean time I do plan on just being on my own to recover from all the mess and to learn to be more comfortable with my self.

Thanks again...

Comment #1

I think it's a good idea that you take some time for yourself and distance yourself from this girl.  She seems either clueless or really self centered.  I know I'm being judgemental, but I'm glad that you see what's happening to you isn't the best for you.  When I needed to do some distancing, I made sure I was as busy as I could handle.  I took on extra stuff at work so that I didn't have too much free time to think about the ex.  I did more stuff with my friends (and now I have even better friendships with them!!!) and I took more time with my family.  Even if it was just talking on the phone.  I totally won in so many other ways that I ended up loving my decision to stay away.  Find someone that you can call when you want to call her.  This way you spend the time talking to them instead of kicking yourself around deciding to call her or not..

Good Luck and remember to take care of yourself.  A lot of us girls find this a really awsome quality for a man to have!!.

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Comment #2

I totally agree that she's playing you. She's narcissistic. She likes the attention, and likes the feeling of control that she gets when someone is attracted to her and she has power over them. Quite often, women like this are also not attracted to men who will treat them well, or who are selfless. They tend to be attracted to men who downplay emotions, and aren't 'dying to satisfy their every whim' because the game is all in 'winning' their attention. On the other side of the coin, make sure that for future relationships, you aren't putting TOO much of yourself on the line, because you might not get it all back.

Which sounds similar to what could be happening with you, and most of my issues are based on low self-image, or being too hard on myself.... I finally find someone who thinks I'm 'great', and their 'approval' sends me on a mission to be more and more impressive until everything I do is to impress them, and nothing I do is for me. Sharing every waking moment with someone, being completely obsessed with each other, and going from 0 to 60 in 12 seconds seems like it's an amazing thing.... I've been there. Something always happens though.

Lose focus on our job because we're preoccupied, lose sleep because we're talking so much, lose sight of our own individuality, because the other person takes up every single second of our time.One thing that is attractive to others about you is WHO you are as an individual. When you lose your individuality, you lose the allure that goes with it. Find out how much time you need to invest in yourself to make sure you know who you are, and what you want at all times.This girl... or any other girl... wants someone who will do things for her...

You sound like a very giving person. Don't give up on who you are; self-confidence and the ability to not lose yourself in a relationship (thru Match.com) is the key to having a balanced relationship, one where you won't always be guessing where you stand. Good luck.....

Comment #3

As long as you want more from her........IMO you can't be friends.  You are only making yourself feel worse.  You are doing this to yourself, allowing her to treat you like this.   Take some time away from her, work on yourself, do nice things for yourself, make yourself the best you can be, and when you are completely over wanting more than friendship with her, if you want to be friends (she doesn't really sound like good friend material) try the friendship again.  Good luck..

Comment #4

Thank you every one for the help and a quick update. She has now explained to me that she has a boyfriend on line and that's fine Iv told her then he needs  to take care of her and I don't belong there at all now. No surprise there was no fight so theres my answer I was worth nothing to her even as a friend. I know I will get better and now I can concentrate more on my self and don't need to worry about her.  To be hoist I have to say this run as "just friends" did open my eyes and so did all of you to the fact I was being used and she did not deserve me to begin with and I will move on after some time to my self. Thank you all again I have found every ones advise and support very helpful...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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