Am I over analyzing??

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Hi all,Well, I've been dating (online dating with this guy who's great, for almost 6 months, now. He's 30, I'm 23. I've never dated a guy seven years older than me, but we both feel that our age difference doesn't even seem apparent to each other. We get along great for the most part.I am aware that because of the fact that he's 30, he's had his fair share of the dating (online dating with world. He mentioned to me that he's only had 2 serious relationships before me: One lasting a little over a year, the other over two years. I know he keeps in contact with a couple of themjust a casual "hi" every few months with them, which I'm totally fine with, as I keep in contact with a couple guys I have dated.

I thought it was amazing, and I noticed that he had it saved in a folder on his computer. As he was showering, I went to see if I could view some more pictures of the house, when I ran into all of these other pictures of past girls. Now, I do realize that these girls were all from before we had met. He is the most faithful guy, and would never, ever do anything to hurt me...I know this. However, the pictures that were displayed in front of me still bothered me.

It felt like a punch in the stomach when I saw them together. Granted, there was only three or four pictures of girls over the past couple years that he had on there, but still, it was weird for me. I confronted him asking who this "Kim" was, that I saw was entitled. He replied back that she was a girl he dated last fall, but she was kind of "crazy" and had to be on medication to even act normal. Then he asked why, and I told him that I happened to see some pictures of him and other girls.

I realize that even if I wanted to see more pictures of that house, I should have asked him first. Believe, me, I know. My bad on that part. It's just weird to me, because the girls that he's mentioned that he's dated, or has had long-term relationships with, he has said that the girls went "crazy" (aka psycho) on I'm curious to know why he keeps pictures of these girls, if he really would never want to get back together with them. Granted, some of these pictures were from years back.

I asked him why he kept pictures of these girls if they are broken up, and he shrugged his shoulders and just replied, "It was my life at the time. I would keep pictures of you if you and I ever broke up."So, last night I kind of just felt weird, seeing parts of his past that I didn't really wish to see. I'm not jealous of any of the girls looks, I wouldn't consider myself an insecure person, but I do have trust issues from a past relationship. While we were watching a movie last night, he came up to me, and looked me right in the eyes saying, "I like you, and only you. I haven't dated any of those girls since I've started seeing you." And I know this, it just makes me feel uncomfortable knowing he still saves pics of his exes.

Am I wrong to feel this way about past girls? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Or should I just get over it? Sorry so long! Thanks for all your input! C..

Comments (5)

Your question was: Am I over analyzing??.

Well, I guess you've discovered what can happen when you go looking in places where you're not supposed to...Personally, I keep pictures of my exes, not on my computer, but the actual photos (these were way before the digital era), in a box. sometimes I think this is a sign of not being able to move on, but also a sign that those people were significant to me and that I cared about them enough to save their pictures. if I were to throw their photos away it would seem callous to me. However, for some guys, keeping photos of their exes is like putting proverbial notches on their belt. It's really hard to say why he's doing this. If he had them up on his wall, (and believe me, I've seen it....) that would be one thing,i.e., he's not ready to let go, but in a private folder on his computer is a more personal matter.

Let his actions toward you speak for themselves. If he treats you well, is faithful, respectful, loving and all that good stuff, what do a few photos matter?..

Comment #1

I do agree with your post, and thanks. For some reason, I don't trust girls. I trust him completely, I just don't trust girls. What's more bizarre is that one of the girls that I saw him in a pic with, just recently text him the other day asking him out for a drink. He told me this tonight, and he told her that he did not reply to her. I asked why he still has some of their numbers, and he just told me that when he breaks up with a girl, he doesn't just delete their number, and he is still nice and respectful towards them if they happen to say "hi".

Maybe it's just an insecurity issue that I need to continue to work on in my life. I really do care for this guy, and I know he cares for me, but we both know it's not going to work out if I don't let go of past relationships with other girls. He said that he chose ME, and not them, which is why I'm with him. And yes, I realize that. I just don't trust girls, I guess.

I guess he just recently deleted those pictures on his computer of the past girlfriends. I didn't tell him to do thishe chose to do it on his own, apparently because he knew it bothered me...

Comment #2

It doesn't work that way. If HE is trustworthy, then nothing any "girl" you don't trust could cause him to do anything untrustworthy.So all you need to do is trust HIM (assuming he's trustworthy) and don't worry about anyone else. He's the only one who matters...

Comment #3

What you went through is the reason I dont' discuss exes with men I date. I dont want to know details of the relationship (thru or about them. And I do not discuss those things about my exes with men who I date. Once you get exposed to that information it sticks with you. And then soon you start envisioning them together or comparing yourself with the exes, etc. These pictures...I know you say that are in his computer.

And then that would feel more appropriate. Having them in the computer is quite handy, so I understand how you feel about that.Do you have any pictures of exes? If so, you would then understand why he has pictures.I can understand your feelings about seeing the picture of him kissing someone else. Obviously you have feelings for this man. When I have been in that situation it does put a kink in my stomach too. Luckily I haven't fallen in love very often in my life...

Comment #4

I know you don't trust girls and in all honesty you are not crazy for feeling that way. Women are vicious with each other. is the guy that you would need to be more angry at if he succumbed to an affair because he is the one who promised to be monogamous with you - not her. I'm glad he deleted the photos in the computer. I didn'tread this post of yours when I responded below. I don't blame you for not wanting the phone numbers in the phone either - too handy. That is what an address book is for...for the past...

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.


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