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A question about match.com: Russian brides on match?

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My first question is: A question about match.com: Russian brides on match?.

My next question is: I am in a new relationship (thru Match.com) with a guy who I have now known for almost two years. Something clicked between us last month at a mutual friend's wedding. The following weekend (after the wedding), I spent Memorial Day weekend with him and his entire family. Then two weeks later, I was headed to the other side of the country for a conference, and he decided to join me for the weekend and we had a blast!.

Before he surprised me with the weekend trip, we had planned to meet each other at a conference of his which is held equally distant to our residences (we live about a 12 hour drive from each other... or a 1.5 hour flight)..

I sensed him getting distant and yesterday sent him an email stating that I felt the distance (not just physical), but wanted to see if he was as overwhelmed as I was and as cautious to rush into things. We have already been intimate, I met his entire family, we've spent two long weekends together... all in one month's time! .

He agreed, and suggested that we take a step back and slow things down a notch or two, and also thought it was best that I dont meet him this weekend - which would allow us to spend father's day with our families. What anyone had an experience like this and had it work out? I was kind of taken aback by his decision to not meet up...even though I suggested that as an option when I sent him the email. I am kind of hurt and feel insecure that I might have done something wrong. He assured me that he really likes me and is attracted, but thinks it's best that we take a step back..

Any words of advice about how to handle this relationship (thru Match.com) moving forward would be greatly appreciated!.

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Comments (4)

Your question was: A question about match.com: Russian brides on match?.

In this instance yes I think it is a good thing...... you have only been seeing each other for 1 month, two weekends (a total of 6 days) and you have had sex.... nothing more than that.  It doesn't entitle you to all his free weekends, or anything else at this point.  I can understand him wanting to be with his family on fathers day and not you.  You are not a priority in his life at this early stage and he shouldn't be one in yours..

Unless you have talked to each other and both agreed to be exclusive (which at this early stage would be a big mistake) he is free to do what he wants when he wants with whomever he wants, the same as you.   Go on with your life just like before you started seeing each other, take things as they come and see where it goes.  You barely know the guy...knowing him for two years doesn't mean a lot, that is not the same as getting to know someone by dating (online dating with Match.com) them..

Another note:  LDR are hard enough when the relationship (thru Match.com) has been established before distance becomes a factor, they are twice as hard when they start that way.  It takes a good 6 months at least of steady dating (online dating with Match.com) to actually get to know someone, that is really not possible when distance is a factor especially 12 hr distance...

Comment #1

I appreciate the response, and maybe I wasn't clear on some things. He invited me to his hometown, and introduced me to his whole family, and he booked his own flight to meet me on the other side of the country. I have no plans to introduce him to my family, and I am certainly not trying to take up all his free weekends.  I did however initiated the "take it slow" conversation, and he agreed whole-heartedly. He called my bluff when i offered not to visit him this weekend and not join he and his family for father's day. .

I am just trying to get a read on whether his take it slow approach leaves the easy option to bail out, or if it's the take it slow approach because he really wants to spend time to get to know me and develop a friendship. On my part, it was the latter. I think a lot of times, guys freak themselves out in the beginning and sabotage the relationship, and I would hate for this to be the case..

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Comment #2

Meeting his family doesn't mean the same to everyone.  I meet everyone of my sons (26) gf if they just go out a couple times or for months.  To some it means more, to others it is just normal.  So don't base anything on meeting his family at this early stage..

He wants to take it slow also and that is a good thing, gives you time to get to know each other...no one other than him knows if he wants a way out or he actually means it..that is only something time will tell..

>> He called my bluff when i offered not to visit him this weekend and not join he and his family for father's day. <<.

That sounds like game playing and has no business in a healthy mature adult honest relationship.  Game playing will only get you so far then it comes back to bite you.  You were testing him and he failed based on what you think he should have said.  And that is no way to start a relationship..

>>I think a lot of times, guys freak themselves out in the beginning and sabotage the relationship<<.

I don't agree with this, for the most part guys will tell you straight up what they mean, it is just the female  takes it differently...does he mean this, or this, or this, when he is actually telling you straight up, we just always don't want to hear it.   For the most part if a guy is into you, you don't have to question it, he makes sure you know by asking you out, keeping in contact with you, making time to see you.  Which is difficult being 1200 miles away from each other..

 Only thing at this point is take things slow, stop playing games and testing him, continue on with your life just like before you started seeing him and time will tell if he is sincere in his wanting to take it slow...

Comment #3

I like to see where a relationship (thru Match.com) goes naturally and to slow it down means that an artificial variable has been put into play.  It could backfire on you if you are not careful...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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