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A question about match.com: is this a Russian bride on match? How does "scam" this work?

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My first question is: A question about match.com: is this a Russian bride on match? How does "scam" this work?.

My next question is: I am involved in a really bizarre situation.  I was involved with someone for more than 10 years.  We have broken up approximately 1 1/2 years ago but we still live together (if you ask my ex, he will tell you for financial reasons but the truth is, I pay most of the bills and he just wont leave.  I don't want to give up my apartment - it is perfectly located for me with my job, family and friends.   My ex doesn't like where we live nor does he like his job or me very much). .

About 3 months ago, I started dating (online dating with Match.com) someone and he knows my situation.  He is ok with it.  He told me to 'let nature takes it's course'.  I am 37 and he is 45.  Both of us - no kids and never married.  His last girlfriend - he was considering marrying but she cheated on him and he took a few years off of relationships.  I could understand that.  This guy is sweet, affectionate, caring, funny, romantic, and loving.  We have spent some time together (about 3-4 times a week) but for short periods of time (again due mostly to my home situation and he has to get up very early in the morning for work).  Last weekend, we actually spent the day together.  He is terrible at phone calls (he told me that was one of his major faults).  He says he doesn't have a cell phone (ok, odd in today's world but I know some people just don't want to be bothered), I don't have his home phone number (he lives with 'his brother' and he is really only home to sleep).  After he gets out of work, he works with a youth group and spends many hours there a week (volunteer and some paid work on top of his already full-time job).  I do speak to him at work and he has my work and cell phone number.  Sometimes, he will go several days without speaking to me.  I really don't have a long span to reach him at work - about 1/2 hour a day he is by the phone (the other part he is in the field - I know this part is true). .

He said he is so happy with me.  He did not want to trust women again but there is something about me that makes him trust me.  He has even been teary eyed once while expressing how happy I have made him.  We have not slept together but we have done other things - I hope that is not his only interest.  He has bought me several small gifts (teddybears, chocolate, cards (that he even wrote me something sweet in) and one big gift - a hummel (which I know was expensive).  He came to surprise me at work one day but I was out of my office at an all day meeting. .

I know I am rambling but basically what I need to know is - is he really as interested as he protests and do you think he has someone else (at home or whatever)?  I have stressed to him that if there is someone else, I really can't say anything at this point because of my living situation - I would understand.  I just want him to be honest.  He replied to me by saying that he is truly happy with me and he doesn't want anyone else..

What do you think?  Thanks!.

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Comments (4)

Your question was: A question about match.com: is this a Russian bride on match? How does "scam" this work?.

Sounds shady to me.  You can only reach him 1/2 an hour a day?  Why don't you have his home number?  Why haven't you been to his house?  He lives with his 'brother'?   Sounds like he's married.  Sounds like something is up - a man with nothing to hide, hides nothing.  And a man that is serious about you does not disappear for 3 or 4 days at a time because they would want you to know where they were and they would care about how YOU felt about hearing from them.  He's terrible with the phone?  Hmm....

As an aside, You should kick this ex-boyfriend of yours out, take legal action, if necessary - or move out yourself if he won't go and it is a shared lease.  Sacrificing your freedom and living with an ex is not healthy and not worth an any apartment, no matter how convenient..

Coolas..

Comment #1

Thanks for your advice.  I really want to believe him but I guess he sees "sucker" written across my forehead!  It would make sense why he is ok with my situation.  He did say that his ex (the one he was thinking about marrying but broke up with about 2 years ago) is still trying to get back with him.  I asked him if anything was going on with them and he said "no, she broke my heart and I don't want that anymore.  I told her about you and that I am really happy.".

He was also wondering about me and my ex - he has asked me if 'anything physical is going on'.  I was completely honest with him - "nothing.  I share more physical contact with my brother (example: kiss on the cheek hello or a hug). .

So, why wont he be honest with me? ..

Comment #2

I agreeWhy are you letting yourself be treated with less than respect and honesty? If a girlfriend came to you and told you these stories, what would her advice be?.

,..

Comment #3

I agree, that's very shady. He's either married or still living with the girlfriend, but after 3 months, if you haven't been to his home and met the brother, then something is up. Suggest making dinner at his place. Or you could also try getting him a cheap cellphone as a gift. If he makes excuses why he can't use it, that would be all the more proof that he's not being honest.  Who doesn't have a cellphone, especially if they work in "the field"? I bet he has one - you just don't have his number...

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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