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21 and dating (online dating with Match.com) a single father

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I am 21 years old, I have been seeing this guy who is 26 and is a single parent. He is everything I look for in a guy and is headed down the right path in life; he finnished college has a good job and is buying a house. He lives about 2 hours away from me, which is good because I am so busy with school and work I cant make time everyday to be with someone. The only thing I am unsure about is he has a 5 month old baby girl which he is fighting for full custody of. We started off moving kinda fast and I have not asked him yet what he is looking for...but I am not sure if I am ready to take on a guy and his baby. Please give me some suggestions.

I know this is up to me I would like some comments from experince or just advise...

Comments (5)

Your question was: 21 and dating (online dating with Match.com) a single father.

Since the child is so young, you probably won't have to worry about her resenting you for stealing her dad or many of the other usual problems that go along with being a step-mom. On the other hand, a child that young is a lot of work. If you were ever to marry him, the girl would probably always view you as a real parent. Being a parent is a completely different type of life. That's a HUGE part of what being with him would mean. If you choose to be with him, you should assume that is the type of life you will have.

You should assume they are a package deal. You can't really think of what a future with him would be like without asssuming his daughter will also be there. Is that package of him and her together, a life you would want for yourself or not? If not, I don't think there's really a point in pursuing the relationship (thru Match.com) any further...

Comment #1

Well I know that they come hand in hand and I would NEVER try to change that. We just started dating (online dating with Match.com) and I have never dated a man with a child. Later on if things work out between us and when I finnish school I really dont think I would have a problem if she saw me as a parent; I have always wanted to HAVE kids young. The other issue is I am young and still like to go out but if he wins custody (which he will) He wont be able to go out with me...or visit as offten and that worries me for the relationship...

Comment #2

Hello there first let me please share some insight with you, you mentioned he has a good job and he finished college thats great and also you mentioned you like him. You are concearned with the fact that he has a baby girl and might get or wants full custody, I am a mother a single one that and do no by experience that men dont always get full custody of the child not unless the mother is or has been deemed unfit, or is neglecting to take care of the infafnt, and that has to be investigated. The courts will asess the situation and will invite third party to get involved to see who would better care for the baby. So long story short it takes a lot to get custody and also doesn't happen over night and courts don't pull young infants from there mothers at that age, you shouln't worry. Yes you are very young to be involved with a guy that flip side may get full custody of the child it would be a lot to be exposed to.There's a two sides to this are you willing to accept him with his child do you realy like him and want him in youre life and can work with and support him with this challenge that he has or will have. Everyone needs someone in there life, he sounds like a good guy if you pass cuz of concearns of the baby issue you may have lost a good guy that someone else may want.Honestly if it's not for you then it's not think about the positives and negatives all the best in youre decision. Hope it works out for you...

Comment #3

He's definitely got a lot on his plate right now.  And you're young and unencumbered. So in my opinion you should definitely feel free to date using Match.com guys your own age and who live closer to you.  There's no rush to get serious and most likely he's not at a point (wisely) where he wants to rush into anything either..

,..

Comment #4

Thank you! We have been talking about him and the baby girl and where I might fit in. He is an amazing guy and I would be stupid to pass this up because he has a child. I have never connected with someone the way we do. I also have accepted that the baby is there and when I see him with her I just melt. I do think I am ready to take this "friendship" into a relationship. Also we are pretty sure he will get custody of her; the mother already has two kids who she doesnt take care of, and we found out she may be into drugs and accessive drinking...

Comment #5


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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